Readership Survey Results: Part 6.

Note: For an interesting discussion on commenting and blogrolling etiquette, take a look at this comments box, as originally attached to Part 4 of the survey results.

19. Have you ever bought any Troubled Diva merchandise?

3 people said yes; 69 people said no. Which is slightly unexpected, as something like 20 to 25 people have bought merchandise from this site in the past. Conclusion: that merchandising tie-ins do not necessarily build brand loyalty.

(Christ knows what that last sentence is going to look like to a first-time reader, but never mind. One of these days, I might learn to express myself without the aid of implied inverted commas. But it won’t be any time soon.)

20. Have you ever bought a CD as a result of a recommendation on this site? (If so, and if you can remember, then please specify.)

For some reason, this was the least answered question in the survey. However, out of the 51 people who replied, 11 (22%) said “yes”. The Scissor Sisters were mentioned 7 times, Lemon Jelly 3 times, the excellent Ulrich Schnauss twice, and there was one mention each for the Hidden Cameras (hooray!), Chungking, Basement Jaxx, Gwen Stefani, the White Stripes, Cristina (woo!), Hot Chip, Fiona Apple and Tinawiren (word!).

21. Have you ever discovered a blog through this site, which you have then gone on to read regularly? (If so, and if you can remember, then please specify.)

Now, this is what it’s all about! To my genuine delight, 67% of you replied in the affirmative, with 28 different blogs being mentioned by name. The most frequently mentioned blog was Little Red Boat, which has picked up 7 new readers via this site. Bouquets also go to Joe.My.God, My Boyfriend Is A Twat, Wherever You Are, JonnyB’s Private Secret Diary, Naked Blog, Mimi In New York and The Search For Love In Manhattan. Always happy to spread the love!

22. Do you have any favourite posts or “moments” on this site? If so, then please name them, up to a maximum of five.

There was quite a range of opinion here, with 37 different posts/moments mentioned. Inevitably, the 40 In 40 Days Project emerged as the favourite by a big margin, being mentioned in 16 replies. Meaning that, yes, the best piece of writing on this site is now well over three years old. Which is something I came to terms with a long time ago. (I think that the source material might have had something to do with it.)

Runners-up: the annual Which Decade Is Tops For Pops? project (9 mentions) – always the highlight of my blogging year. Eurovision stuff in general was mentioned 7 times, the notorious Shirt Off My Back project 5 times (I cringe to this day at that one), and another all-time favourite, the Boutique Hotel mp3, 4 times. These were followed by 3 mentions each for the annual Christmas cards, the “stuck inside a Care Bear” debacle (you cruel bastards!), the recent “Write Like A Diva” contest, and music reviews in general. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to work out which post was the “holiday party snog”, as mentioned by one reader. Holiday party snog, you say? Wish I’d been there!

Readership Survey Results: Part 5.

14a. How frequently do you read Troubled Diva?

A seriously flawed question, as infrequent readers were a) much less likely to spend time answering the survey, and b) less likely to have stumbled across it in the two days that it was open. So, bearing this in mind:

38 people (or 48%) read TD daily, or (for those who make use of the RSS feed) whenever it is updated.
22 people (or 28%) read TD almost daily.
14% read it at least once a week.
10% read it less than once a week. (5% fortnightly; 5% less often than that.)

To which I say: nah, that can’t be right – because the percentage of “less than once a week” readers must surely be a good deal higher than that. That’s assuming that other people’s blog-reading habits resemble my own, of course: namely, a minority which I follow closely, and a larger number which I dip into once in a while. But we all do that, don’t we?

14b. Long-term readers only: Compared with this time a year ago, do you read the site more frequently, less frequently, or is it about the same?

Excluding the don’t knows:

More often – 17%
Less often – 19% (Including some who have switched to RSS, and so spend less time visiting on the off-chance that I’ve updated.)
The same – 64%

How terribly reassuring! Thank you for clearing that one up! Fragile ego, moi?

15. Do you track updates to Troubled Diva using Bloglines, or the Updated UK Weblogs list, or any other RSS reader – or do you just come here on the off-chance that I will have updated?

For all the fuss that has been made over the wonders of RSS, you remain a resolutely traditional bunch: 65% still come here on the off-chance, while 24% use some form of RSS reader and 11% use other methods.

The most popular RSS reader is, unsurprisingly, the excellent Bloglines, which I recommend wholeheartedly. Although it does take a while to set up your initial list of feeds, the process has been made as painless as possible – and maintaining the list from that point onwards is an absolute doddle.

Other observations: usage of the Updated UK Weblogs list is significantly lower (a victim of RSS no doubt), the once-fashionable Kinja is barely used at all, and neither (amazingly) is blogrolling.com.

16. Which of the following statements most closely describes your Troubled Diva reading habits?

a) I read every word of every post, more or less without fail.
b) I read most posts, but skip or skim-read the ones which are less interesting to me.
c) I read less than half of the posts, only picking out the ones that look interesting.

A gratifying 19% hang upon my every last utterance, whilst 72% read most posts (usually skipping some of the music-related stuff, it would seem) and 9% read less than half.

17. Which of the following statements most closely describes your blog-reading habits?

a) I don’t read any weblogs on a regular basis.
b) Troubled Diva is the only weblog which I read on a regular basis.
c) I read less than 10 weblogs on a regular basis.
d) I read between 10 and 25 weblogs on a regular basis.
e) I read more than 25 weblogs on a regular basis.

Whilst nobody at all answered to a), just one dear, sweet, solitary soul admitted that TD was the only blog which they regularly read. 27% read less than 10, 24% read more than 25 – but the most common answer was “between 10 and 25”, which accounted for a sensible and moderate 47% of you. If only I was one of them.

18. During the course of 2005, I have written proportionately more about music than in previous years. Speaking purely in terms of your own enjoyment of the site, do you find this a positive or a negative development, or do you not particularly mind either way?

For me, this was a key question – and, to some extent, a troubling one. (And before you all start: yes, I know that this is my blog, my rules, up to me what I write, etc etc etc. Sheesh, you guys!) However, a frankly astonishing 30% of you find the increase in music coverage a positive development, with an additional 36% not minding either way. However, a further 13% qualified their “don’t mind” answers in some sort of negatively inclined way (however slight), and a long-suffering 22% went straight for “negative”.

Lots to think about there – but for once, I’ll spare you the meta-meta-meta navel-gazing. Instead, I’ll simply reproduce this comment, which was possibly my favourite of the entire exercise.

Er… well possibly less enjoyable if it’s music I don’t have a great knowledge of. But it’s like the famous story about why they have Law Reports in the Independent newspaper, innit? Nobody reads them, but it makes the readers comfortable that they’re buying a quality paper. Ditto with the music in TD. Makes me feel trendy and that.

“Troubled Diva: the weblog which makes you feel trendy and that.”

Yep, I like that one. That’s right up there with:

“Troubled Diva: the gay blog that straight blokes read.”

If nothing else, this survey could keep me in fresh straplines for weeks.

Big Blogger update.

Over on Big Blogger, voting has commenced for the first set of evictions. Happily for me, I’m exempt from this week’s vote, having earnt my immunity by being the first housemate to complete the (somewhat controversial) “dodo and bacon sandwich” task. However, I have a nasty feeling that this might turn out to be a poisoned chalice, as everybody decides that it will be “only fair” to vote for me en masse when next week’s vote rolls around. We shall see.

Much as I’m enjoying the experience, I can’t help feeling that, as a group, we’re all at that early stage in the contest where – just as with the TV version – half the occupants are still bouncing excitedly round the place in full “performance” mode, while the other half are quietly biding their time until the numbers settle down a bit. Consequently, it’s still all a bit frantic over there – and not all that easy for the casual visitor to make much sense of. (K visited yesterday, and pronounced himself quite baffled.)

On the other hand, I’m personally enjoying the borderline-hysterical “cabin fever” aspect of the experience. We might currently be playing more to each other than to the outside world – but we’re having loads of fun while we’re doing it, so why the hell not?

Oh, and my tip to win the thing? Vitriolica‘s fantastic illustrations should ensure that she goes far, but (as ever!) the smart money has to be on Zoe: a woman with “winner” stamped all over her. (Having shared a jacuzzi with her, one gets to know these things.)

 

Originally posted at Big Blogger:

June 9th 2005: mike has a plan.

In the absence of smelling salts, Mike reaches for the little brown bottle that he has stashed away in the secret compartment of his Samsonite Executive Premier Plus Trunk (with built-in Vanity Unit).

“If this doesn’t bring the silly old queen to her senses”, he mutters, unscrewing the cap and wafting the bottle underneath Peter’s nose, “then nothing will.”

The housemates hold their breath. Which is just as well, considering the fetid aroma of old socks that is now permeating the bedroom.

“Mmmnnnrrrgh…”

A faint growling noise begins to rise up from the bed, as Peter’s face assumes the colour of a particularly fine Chateauneuf Du Pape.

“GLORIA!”

With this keening howl, Peter’s body suddenly snaps into an upright position. Wild-eyed and flailing, his howls grow ever louder.

“GLORIA! I THINK THEY’VE GOT YOUR NUMBER! DUH DUH DUH DUH WANTS YOU! WHY ISN’T ANYBODY CALLING! WOOO! DON’T BOGART THE POPPERS, MARY!”

The housemates look at each other in consternation.

“Darling, is he all right?”, asks Zoe, anxiously.

Mike smiles, knowingly.

“Laura Branigan. Gloria. Got to Number 6 in December 1982. One of Peter’s favourites. She thinks she’s back in Fire Island, dancing on a Saturday night. Give her a couple of minutes, and she’ll be as right as rain….”

June 10th 2005: big blogger asked us for a picture…

…and so here is mine. Hello housemates! Hello viewers! My name is Mike. Goodness, but these posts are flying thick and fast this morning. I do hope you’re all managing to keep up.

As mentioned yesterday, I have somehow managed to squeeze all of life’s bare essentials into my Samsonite Executive Premier Plus trunk (with built-in vanity unit). Yes, I know that Big Blogger stipulated a small suitcase only – but believe me, this constitutes “travelling light”.

Not being one of life’s natural packers, I asked my partner K for some assistance in choosing my outfits for the next seven weeks (should I survive that long). It took us a while to “theme” my look, but we’ve plumped for Classic with a Contemporary Twist. So expect plenty of crisp whites, hot pinks, cool candy stripes, and bold, funky checks in wittily contrasting shades. And that’s just the shirts.

Oh, and not to be outdone by Miss Mish in the millinery stakes – I’ve brought my new hat. (John Galliano, but we don’t go by the labels.)

Other items include:

  • A comprehensive selection of Molton Brown grooming products, including a bottle of “Arctic Birch” bath and shower gel (with pump action dispenser) which is my gift to the house. Please feel free.
  • A 40gb iPod, with headphones (for private contemplation) and speakers (for early evening cocktail jazz, and late night disco dancing).
  • Several slabs of Green & Blacks chocolate (very good for the heart), which I shall be divvying out after dinner each night.
  • A mysterious little brown bottle, labelled “room odoriser” (not so good for the heart), which I shall be keeping in the fridge. This has already come in handy.
  • A hand-made “Big Blogger” mix CD, which I shall be leaving behind as a prize for the eventual winner.

As for personal qualities: I would like to make one thing clear, right from the start. There is far too much nonsense talked on these sorts of shows about “being yourself”, with everyone singling out “being two-faced” as the greatest of all possible sins. To which I say: phooey. For what you might call “being two-faced”, I call “having good manners”. For that reason, I shall be conducting myself like any normal, civilised human being: bitching about people behind their backs (but only to trusted confidantes, as and when the need arises, and never gratuitously), whilst continuing to be courteous and respectful to their faces. It’s the way of the world, people. Don’t knock it. After all, I’m just being myself…

Looking around at my fellow housemates, I see some old friends (Miss Mish, Gordon, Zoe, JonnyB, Vitriolica and the perpetually recumbent Peter), some familiar acquaintances (Clair, Alan and The Girl), and some brand new faces (Grocerjack, Mr Hair, Dr Rob, NML and Vicus Scurra). As is usual in such situations, I have so far been clinging to my familiar little clique, whilst gazing nervously over at the others. Who is going to make the first move and break the ice? Do we need some “getting to know you” games? And why is The Girl licking her lips at me like that?

Finally, to those of you who have been wondering how we’re all going to cope over the next few weeks – cooped up in our own little space, cut off from outside reality – I say: hey, we’re bloggers, remember? Welcome to our world!

June 13th 2005: save quickos!

Mike is awoken from his slumbers by a gentle, furry tap on his shoulder. And is that the sound of muffled sobbing that he can hear in his right ear?

Pausing only to wonder why he still appears to be referring to himself in the third person, Mike levers open his sleep-filled eyes… only to see a moist-eyed, trembling Quickos, gazing mournfully down at him.

“Goodbye, Mike. Quickos has to go now.”

“But… Quickos! You can’t leave now! Mike was looking forward to playing so many games with you today!”

“Quickos has no choice, Mike. Big Blogger has told Quickos that he has to leave the house NOW.”

But WHY, Quickos? WHY?”

“Quickos doesn’t know why, Mike. But he’s sure that there must be a very good reason. And Quickos always does what he’s told, even when it makes him sad. So good luck, Mike. And remember: Quickos will always, always love you.”

“NO, Quickos! STOP!”

Not wishing his little puppet friend to see him in the nude (for if there’s one thing he doesn’t do, it’s pyjamas), Mike reaches for his dressing gown, hanging on a hook behind him. But when he turns round, Quickos has vanished.

A tight knot of anger begins to form in Mike’s stomach. Quickly wrapping his dressing gown around his slender naked form, he leaps out of bed, and – without so much as checking his hair in the mirror – makes straight for the garden.

Within seconds, and before anyone can stop him, Mike has clambered onto the roof of the Big Blogger house.

(Standing directly below him, Clair makes the mistake of looking straight upwards as Mike performs his final leap, the tails of his dressing gown billowing in the breeze. Clutching her hands to her mouth, she dashes straight back indoors, visibly blanching.)

“THIS IS AN OFFICIAL PROTEST!”, shrieks Mike, wild eyed, tousle-haired, and dangerously un-moisturised. “QUICKOS MUST BE SAVED FROM EVICTION! HE HAS HARMED NO-ONE! I SHALL NOT DESCEND FROM THIS ROOF UNTIL HE IS SAFELY RETURNED! HOUSEMATES, ARE YOU WITH ME?”

The other housemates look at each other in consternation. Should they join Mike’s protest, or should they try and talk him down from the roof? And whatever will Big Blogger say?

June 13th 2005: faint heart never won fair glove puppet: mike’s rooftop protest runs aground.

The story so far: In a last-ditch bid to save Zoe‘s so-called “stowaway” housemate, the irrepressibly lovely Quickos, from eviction (and possible incineration), Mike has been staging a rooftop protest all morning, calling upon his fellow housemates to support him in his struggle. Now read on.

Immediately upon hearing Big Blogger’s stern warning, Mike stops performing his energetically improvised “Save Quickos” freedom dance. Gathering his robe carefully around his rapidly chilling loins, he crouches cautiously at the roof’s edge, and addresses his fellow housemates.

“Er… guys? Are you… um… with me, or what?”

The housemates (except for Clair, who is still being treated for post-traumatic shock in the Diary Room) shuffle nervously, staring at their feet (for reasons which have already been made abundantly clear).

After a long pause, Alan is the first to speak.

“Obviously Mike you have our full support. Er… moral support that is. Yes, yes, definitely lots of moral support.

Oh, and you can have my athletic support as well, cos the wind keeps doing a Marilyn on your dressing gown and it’s making Miss Mish a bit overly frisky.”

“What about the rest of you?”, Mike demands. “I’ll ask you one more time: ARE YOU WITH ME?”

After receiving an curt nod of assent from Vicus Scurra and Grocer Jack, Dr. Rob pipes up.

I would be with you of course, being once almost a member of the Socialist Workers Party, and practically a card carrying revolutionary, but first I need to call a meeting, get down the pub, have a few beers, discuss the dialectics of the whole action, put it to the vote, declare the vote illegal, discuss it some more, then have it ratified by Castro and then, only then dear comrade will we join you in your glorious struggle.

“I see. Does anyone have anything else to add?”

Gordon can hold himself back no longer.

Oi mike, while you’re up there… gonna throw down that frisbee… cheers!!

“Very well. On your own consciences be it, but I cannot fight your battles alone. Instead my protest shall continue, um, indoors. After I’ve showered, dressed and eaten, of course. Now, can someone give me a hand down? If I can just get my leg across this… hang on, where’s everyone gone?”

Finding himself suddenly alone in the garden, all Mike can hear is muffled sobbing from the Diary Room, and muffled giggling from the living area. And was it just the rustling of leaves in the trees beyond the perimeter fence, or did he hear someone inside the house mutter the dreaded words “attention seeker”?

The very thought.

June 13th 2005: task 2: extinct

Dear Springwatch,

My ten-year old daughter Katie tells me that she saw a strange bird on our back lawn on Sunday morning. It was a rather plump and clumsy bird: about 9 inches tall, with blue-grey plumage, a black bill, small wings, and a tuft of feathers on its rear end. According to my daughter, it was showing great interest in the discarded remains of her bacon sandwich!

I have tried to find some information on this bird, but all my findings would seem to suggest that this is the long extinct “dodo” bird, last sighted in the C17th. A ridiculous proposition? Or have you had other similar sightings?

Many congratulations on your excellent show.

With kind regards,

Mike Troubled-Diva.

Update: Does this count as WINNING?

 

 

 

 

Readership Survey Results: Part 4.

9. Do you have your own active weblog? (“Active” = at least one entry since January 1st 2005.)

As several pointed out, this was a fairly generous definition of an “active” weblog, which bumped up the “yes” vote by about 7 percentage points. This resulted in a final tally of 70% bloggers and 30% non-bloggers.

10. Active bloggers only: Have I ever linked to your weblog?
11. Active bloggers only: Have I ever left a comment on your weblog?

These two figures came out roughly the same: I have linked to 57%, and have commented on 55%. Both figures are unexpectedly low – particularly the latter, as I like to think that I pop in to say hello to most bloggers who link, even if it’s only the once. Conclusion: that I’m a little more aloof than I thought. Never mind: a little mystique-building aloofness never went amiss.

12. When did you first start reading Troubled Diva?

Oops, someone’s getting narky…

“Why in God’s name would anyone remember something like that? I’ve no idea. About two years ago or something? How long have you been reading every blog you read?”

The awful truth? I could probably give you a reasonably accurate answer for most of them. It’s just the way my mind works.

Happily, it also seems to be the way that most of your minds work, as only 9% of you couldn’t remember. Since all of that 9% said “two or three years ago”, I then split the vote evenly between 2002 and 2003, giving the following percentage breakdown:

2001: 5% (I started blogging at the end of October.)
2002: 26%
2003: 21%
2004: 24%
2005: 25% (January to May only.)

This reveals both a good solid clump of long-term loyalists, and a healthy crop of new readers. Which is just as it should be.

13. How did you first find Troubled Diva?

Discounting the 11% who couldn’t remember, a massive 73% first came here via a link off someone else’s blog, whilst 7% first found me through Google. 3 people were referred by a friend, 3 came via the 2003 Guardian blog awards, and – another surprise here – just 3 got here via a comments box in another blog. Oh, and for all the hoo-hah, just one regular reader came here via the Bloggies.

Conclusions:

1) By far the strongest currency in blogging is inter-blog linking, be it on a main post, a linklog post or a blogroll. So spread the love, people.

2) Comment-whoring doesn’t work! (That’ll shock a few people, naming no names…)

3) The Bloggies ain’t all that!

Many referring blogs were mentioned: 19 in all. Of the top referrers, My Boyfriend Is A Twat has gifted me at least 7 readers, the late lamented Swish Cottage 6, and Naked Blog 5.

Readership Survey Results: Part 3.

3. Are you in full-time or part-time employment, or self-employed, or a student, or a quote-unquote “home maker”, or retired, or unemployed? (Or something else which I’ve forgotten about?)

We are but wage slaves: 75% of you work full time, with 18% self-employed and 57% employed by someone else. Of the remainder, 6% work part time, 2 people qualify as “home makers”, and there’s one apiece for unemployed, in between jobs, long-term disabled and “of independent means”. Also, although a couple of you are already in receipt of your pensions, no-one actually counts as “full time” retired just yet.

4. Are you reading this from your place of work/study, or from your home, or from a public internet access point?

Would this have been a better question if I had said “where do you usually read this site”? Arguably – but, rightly or wrongly, I opted to take a “snapshot” of where you were at the time.

The results make depressing news for employers everywhere: 57% of you were reading at home, but a whopping 42% of you were at work.

(Note: whenever someone explained that they worked from home, I counted this as a “from home” reply.)

Although nobody was reading from a library, internet café or other public access point, one person was sufficiently Rock & Roll enough to be reading Troubled Diva from a hotel, while “on tour”. We like that.

5. Are you a university graduate? If not, at what stage did you complete your education?

What a bunch of swots! 74% of Troubled Diva readers are graduates, as against 22% non-graduates and 4% “graduands”. And blimey, weren’t you all eager to tell me exactly what kind of graduates you are! BSc, BA (hons), MA, MBA, PhD, MSc, LL.B, B.Eng, PGCE, MPhil, MEng… I especially loved the way that so many of you felt the need to add the (hons) next to your BA. Particularly since I didn’t even ask you to list your type of degree in the first place! Whatever happened to “read the question carefully”, then?

One additional fact: of the 18 non-graduates, no less than 7 (or 8.5% of the readership) started university, but dropped out before completing their studies. That’s quite high, isn’t it? Hmm.

6. Have we ever spoken with each other via private e-mail?

32% said yes; 57% said no. Conclusion: that communication between blogger and reader frequently extends beyond the blog itself. Can you imagine the same thing happening with a newspaper columnist?

7. Have we ever met each other in real life?

15 people (17%) said yes; 83% said no. Which is a little bit surprising, as I’ve meant a good deal more than 15 readers of this site over the years. Conclusion: that we’re a fickle bunch. But then, like guests at a never-ending cocktail party, of course we move on, and circulate, and work the room. It would be boring not to. Which is something to bear in mind whenever someone you’ve enjoyed talking to in the past stops visiting you, or even de-links. As in life, so in blog.

I was particularly tickled by the two readers who claim to have brushed past me at gigs without introducing themselves: especially as I didn’t actually attend one of the gigs in question (The Dears). As for the other gig (British Sea Power): yup, that was probably me (probably bored out of my skull by then; it was an exceptionally dull night).

8. Have you ever won a prize on this site?

13 of you (17%) said yes; 83% said no. As this is actually quite a high proportion of people who have won prizes, I can only conclude that prize-giving is a good seal of blog loyalty. In other words: bribe your readers with freebies, and they’ll stick around. A little tip for aspirational bloggers there!

(I jest, I jest. The other perspective is, of course, that regular loyal readers are the ones who are most likely to enter my occasional competitions in the first place.)

Which reminds me: there is going to be a prize at the end of this survey. More details once I’ve finished the full analysis.

Stylus UK Singles Jukebox: Writ Anthemic.

Last week, I only managed to squeeze out three reviews. This week, I’ve done a little better, with opinions offered on new releases by Shakin’ Stevens (respect to the old fella), Jem (early 90s girlpop is BACK), The Long Blondes (as tipped on TD a couple of months ago), Patrick Wolf (give it a rest, Wordsworth) and Bark Psychosis (it EVOKES).

However, if you’re one of the 0.01% of my readership who still actually goes out and buys singles (and I didn’t need a readership survey to fathom that one out), then my purchasing tip for this week is also the Stylus panel’s favourite: the immense “Lose Control”, by Missy Elliott (featuring Ciara and Fatman Scoop). She still hasn’t lost it, folks!

(Incidentally, and lest you think otherwise: mug that I am, I actually do go out and BUY my favourite two or three (or sometimes four) singles from each week’s Stylus column. Because I’m fair-minded like that.)

And all of a sudden, I’m curious. So, tell me: what was the last single you bought? Can you even remember?

Readership Survey Results: Part 2.

Let’s start by completing the last part of Question 1: your country of current residence.

Not surprisingly, most of my readers hail from the UK: 69% of them, to be precise. The USA counts for 15%, Europe for 9%, and there were also three Irish readers, two Australians and one lone Canadian. (Hi, asta!) As for Africa, Asia and South America: nichts, nada, nuffink. (Although this might have been different before the end of last week, when my sister returned to the UK after spending several months in the Sudan.)

The comparatively small proportion of US readers (there were 14 in all) comes as no surprise; in fact, I was expecting even fewer. In the early days of the blog, when there were far fewer of us to spread around, quite a lot of Americans came visiting – spurred on by some early support from a few of the better known US gay bloggers of the day. Accordingly, I made a conscious effort to avoid overdoing the unfamiliar Briticisms and obscure pop-cultural references, providing explanations and links whenever they were needed. But as British blogging picked up steam, and more British readers started visiting, so I grew weary of going the extra mile for the Yanks. It just didn’t seem worth the effort any longer. And so, gradually, the focus of the blog became more explicitly biased towards the UK.

However, I don’t think that’s the whole story. Looking at the readership of some of the other long-standing Britblogs, I’ve noticed a similar diaspora. Consequently, the Atlantic feels wider than ever these days. Is this simply due to the explosion in blogging that has taken place since the autumn of 2001? Or is it also due to other factors – also connected to the events of late 2001 – which have served to alienate us from our American cousins, cooling our natural friendly curiosity and replacing it with an icy – if not downright wary – indifference?

I think you know of what I speak. And don’t get me wrong: I’m not proud of this new, subtle, frequently unacknowledged prejudice, which has crept into the mindsets of many Brits of a more “liberal” persuasion over the last three years or so. But I think it’s there, and I think we shouldn’t be afraid of acknowledging that it’s there. Because once we acknowledge it, then maybe we can begin to find new ways of challenging it.

Goodness, but I’m rambling. Where were we?

2. UK readers only: please state your county of current residence (or major city, if applicable). US readers only: please state your state of current residence.

Of the 59 UK readers who replied:

  • 17 (29%) live in London.
  • 30 (51%) live in the rest of England.
  • 11 (19%) live in Scotland.

Just one reader lives in Wales, and there were no readers at all from Northern Ireland.

The percentage of London based readers is strikingly high; even when taken as a percentage of the entire readership, London still racks up 18%. Evidence of Troubled Diva’s cosmopolitan, metropolitan au courant-iness, perchance? As for the “local” brigade: the survey unearthed just six people from Nottinghamshire, and one from Derbyshire – further proof that the people who see me the most often in real life are the people least likely to be reading me on a regular basis. (It’s a commonly observed phenomenon.)

Other than that, the readership was fairly evenly spread throughout England and Scotland, with a little pocket of support in Lancashire, and notably less support in the South West. In fact, what with this and the absence of Welsh and Northern Irish appeal, there is a distinct Easterly slant to my readership. Nobody ever talks about East/West divides in this country, do they? Well, here’s one to chew over…

This strange Easterly bias is further borne out by my American readership, with six readers on the East coast, five in the middle, and just one on the West coast. But then I think we’ve always been more East Coast hip & edgy than West Coast laid-back & cool.

Sheesh, enough already. Isn’t it amazing what you can extrapolate from a bunch of numbers on a spreadsheet, if you put your mind to it? And you thought this was just going to be a geeky stats-fest? Er, so did I. There’ll be more results as we get them. Don’t go changing!

“Don’t close the post office.”

JonnyB’s “Post 8” protest song, now available as an MP3 download, is quite clearly the greatest moment ever in the history of blogging. If you care about the future of the rural postal network, then you owe it to yourself to take a listen. (And if you couldn’t give a stuff about the rural postal network, then JonnyB will show you something to make you change your mind…)

Readership Survey Results: Part 1.

First of all, can I just say a big Thank You to everyone who took the time and trouble to answer the survey. Your efforts have been greatly appreciated.

Secondly, to those of you who were concerned that I might allow the results to influence the future direction of the blog: chill, dudes. That wasn’t the purpose of the survey.

So what was the purpose of the survey?, I hear you cry. Idle curiosity, mainly. A chance to obtain some concrete answers to a few questions that have been buzzing around inside my head. An experiment, a novelty, a chance to fuel my Excel addiction, and – who knows? – maybe even a useful piece of research that will uncover a few truths about blogging. But hey, let’s not get too meta with our meta, shall we?

(Note to pedants: not all of the percentages will add up to 100%. It’s a rounding thing. Not a big deal.)

1. Please supply the following five pieces of information about yourself: your gender, your age, your sexual orientation, your relationship status, your country of current residence.

Of the 92 who replied, 53 were male and 39 were female, revealing a gender split of 58% to 42%. However, looking at the gender divide by sexual orientation, the ratio of straight men and straight women is fairly even, whereas there are far more gay men than lesbians. Conclusion: that I have a fairly even gender balance of straight readers, with an additional gay male readership that skews the stats.

Age-wise, the youngest reader was 18 and the oldest 58. Looking at the age groups in percentage terms:

18-19 – 2%
20-29 – 33%
30-39 – 36%
40-49 – 24%
50-59 – 4%

This indicates a fairly even spread of 20- and 30-somethings, with a drop-off after the age of 40… although looking at my stats in detail, the actual drop-off comes after the age of 43. Which also happens to be my age.

In fact, it turns out that a full 82% of my readers are younger than me. Feel free to draw your own conclusions. Meanwhile, Troubled Diva’s appeal to the Saga demographic is minimal to non-existent, and its appeal to senior citizens is completely zero. Must be all that new-fangled pop music.

One curious statistical blip: I’ve got loads of readers who are 28 years old: 9 of them, or 10% of my readership. I dare say that there are perfectly sound astrological reasons for this.

Now, here comes a surprise: most of my readers are straight men! Who’d have thought that Troubled Diva had so much Bloke Appeal? Speaking as that comparatively rare creature, a gay man with a lot of straight male friends, I find this most heartening. Here’s that sexuality breakdown in full:

Straight male – 31 readers.
Straight female – 26 readers.
Gay male – 22.
Lesbian – 4.
Bisexual male – 1.
Bisexual female – 8.
“Pomosexual” female – 1. (I am insufficiently post-modern to work that one out.)

(Although one male reader described himself as “like Eddie Izzard, a lesbian in a man’s body”, his marital status then gave him away as straight. Nice try, though.)

This makes for a sexuality divide of 63% heterosexual, 27% homosexual and 10% bisexual (all those bisexual women were another surprise). For a supposedly “gay weblog” (if certain blogging awards categories are to be believed), that’s a fairly low gay readership. But then again, I don’t tend to write much about gay issues, gay politics or the gay scene. Indeed, the overtly “gay” content on this site has probably decreased even over the lifespan of this blog – mainly because my lifestyle has become progressively less “gay” over the past five years or so. If I had been writing Troubled Diva ten years ago, then the story would have been very different (and you probably wouldn’t have been able to move for all the sodding rainbow flags).

As for relationship status: 42% are partnered/co-habiting, 30% are single, and just 22% are married. How modern is that? Of the remainder, four are dating, one is engaged, and – thrillingly – one is a “mistress but hoping to be legal in a few years”. (Good luck!)

There will be more results later. Many, many, many more. Oh, this is manna for my soul!

Stats wa-hey!

As I’ve more or less reached a statistically significant number of replies (nearly 90 at the last count), I’ll be closing my Readership Survey this evening. Full and exhaustive analysis starts tomorrow. Yes, “starts”. Come on, you should know me by now.

Also starting tomorrow: Big Blogger 2005. During the course of the next seven weeks, fifteen blogmates (myself included) will be battling to avoid eviction from the Big Blogger house, in what promises to be the best blogging popularity contest EVER. (All the Technorati links in the world won’t save you now!)

As Big Blogger has specifically prohibited us from pimping for votes on our own sites, I shan’t be saying too much more about the contest on Troubled Diva. Except to say that when it comes to voting time: look into your hearts, and do the right thing. And failing that: I know where you all live.

Finally, unless…

  • you’re a hardcore “Graphic Novel” geek,
  • you have a serious fetish for Hot Chicks With Guns,
  • you live your entire life in inverted commas,
  • you’re not bothered by a dull and poorly paced plot, an almost total lack of sympathetic, well-constructed characters, insane levels of stylised ultra-violence, and the sort of flip, sniggering, all-pervading, “chill dude, it’s a homage“, adolescent-boys-club amorality which started getting boring not long after Pulp Fiction,
  • you’re Neil Moviebuff, who maintained a spirited defence of it in the pub last night,

… then don’t go and see Sin City. Because all four of us who went to see it on Monday night – myself, K (who walked out), Mish and Alan – thought that it sucked a big one, dude. And if we thought it sucked, then it’s only right and proper that you should too. Diversity be damned!

(Stunningly creative and beautiful cinematography, though. I’ll grant you that. But a turd in a chocolate box is still a turd.)

See also: Oddverse: No matter when, or where, or who.

The Troubled Diva Readership Survey.

THIS SURVEY IS NOW CLOSED. MANY THANKS TO ALL WHO TOOK PART.

For obvious reasons, this is an anonymous survey. Therefore, while answering these questions, I recommend that you REMOVE your name, e-mail address and URL from the comments boxes. And please don’t worry: your anonymity will not be compromised in any way.

I’ll publish the results of the survey in due course.

Update (1): If the slowness of my comments system is driving you to distraction, and if you’re not fussed about revealing your identity to me, then you’re welcome to answer the questions by e-mail instead. (I’m mikejla at btinternet dot com.)

Update (2): Alternatively, you may prefer to use this text file, which contains all the questions in one place. You can then either e-mail me the answers to the address above, or leave all the answers in the comments box below.

1. Please supply the following five pieces of information about yourself:

* a) your gender
* b) your age
* c) your sexual orientation
* d) your relationship status
* e) your country of current residence.

2. UK readers only: please state your county of current residence (or major city, if applicable). US readers only: please state your state of current residence.

3. Are you in full-time or part-time employment, or self-employed, or a student, or a quote-unquote “home maker”, or retired, or unemployed? (Or something else which I’ve forgotten about?)

4. Are you reading this from your place of work/study, or from your home, or from a public internet access point?

5. Are you a university graduate? If not, at what stage did you complete your education?

6. Have we ever spoken with each other via private e-mail?

7. Have we ever met each other in real life?

8. Have you ever won a prize on this site?

9. Do you have your own active weblog? (“Active” = at least one entry since January 1st 2005.)

10. Active bloggers only: Have I ever linked to your weblog?

11. Active bloggers only: Have I ever left a comment on your weblog?

12. When did you first start reading Troubled Diva?

13. How did you first find Troubled Diva?

14a. How frequently do you read Troubled Diva?

14b. Long-term readers only: Compared with this time a year ago, do you read the site more frequently, less frequently, or is it about the same?

15. Do you track updates to Troubled Diva using Bloglines, or the Updated UK Weblogs list, or any other RSS reader – or do you just come here on the off-chance that I will have updated?

16. Which of the following statements most closely describes your Troubled Diva reading habits?

* a) I read every word of every post, more or less without fail.
* b) I read most posts, but skip or skim-read the ones which are less interesting to me.
* c) I read less than half of the posts, only picking out the ones that look interesting.

17. Which of the following statements most closely describes your blog-reading habits?

* a) I don’t read any weblogs on a regular basis.
* b) Troubled Diva is the only weblog which I read on a regular basis.
* c) I read less than 10 weblogs on a regular basis.
* d) I read between 10 and 25 weblogs on a regular basis.
* e) I read more than 25 weblogs on a regular basis.

18. During the course of 2005, I have written proportionately more about music than in previous years. Speaking purely in terms of your own enjoyment of the site, do you find this a positive or a negative development, or do you not particularly mind either way?

19. Have you ever bought any Troubled Diva merchandise?

20. Have you ever bought a CD as a result of a recommendation on this site? (If so, and if you can remember, then please specify.)

21. Have you ever discovered a blog through this site, which you have then gone on to read regularly? (If so, and if you can remember, then please specify.)

22. Do you have any favourite posts or “moments” on this site? If so, then please name them, up to a maximum of five.

23. Have you ever used the links on my sidebar to read old posts on this site?

24. Excluding the comments boxes: Has Troubled Diva ever made you laugh out loud? Has it ever made you cry? Has it ever made you angry?

25. Do you have any other comments?

Stylus UK Singles Jukebox: The Worst Pizza Express Blind…

In this week’s Stylus UK Singles Jukebox, I have deigned to furnish the world with my opinions on just three songs: from JoJo (R&B freeware plug-in?), Saint Etienne (never has “form” been returned to so gloriously) and LCD Soundsystem (spare room in six months’ time).

Of the remainder, I can recommend the new singles from John Legend (schmaltzy piano ballad, but I can be quite a sentimental old sausage), M83 (shoegazing electronica, heavy on the effects pedals, and ergo a good thing) and Ralph Myerz & The Jack Herren Band (Saint Etienne goes jazzy/funky beach house). I also think that the Stylus panel have been unnecessarily harsh on The Ordinary Boys, and their really rather likeable Madness pastiche.

Auntie’s Naughtiest Bloomers… Ever!

As someone who likes to start his week with a good chuckle, I was heartened by this morning’s Today programme (BBC Radio 4), which included a discussion on the increasingly recognised problem of back pain in the workplace. (Has your office insisted you attend a course on How To Lift Things, called “Manual Handling”, even though your job involves lifting nothing heavier than a new pack of A4 paper for the printer? Because ours most certainly has. Insert “nanny state” rant here.)

Eventually, the discussion touched upon Michael Jackson’s recent hospital treatment for back pain. Feeling the need to clarify the situation, the “expert” figure on the discussion panel helpfully explained that this would have been caused by stress, rather than by any “manual handling”.

As the studio descended into uproar, I once again remembered my favourite Today howler of all time. This occurred around 1996-97, when the gay activist Peter Tatchell was being interviewed by John Humphries about differing attitudes within the gay community regarding what constituted acceptable and/or effective forms of protest. At the time, there was still a lot of controversy surrounding the overtly confrontational media-grabbing stunts of Tatchell’s Outrage! organisation, as pitted against the impeccably courteous “softly-softly” lobbying approach of the establishment-friendly Stonewall group. This led Tatchell to suggest that for many British gay men, the distinction was irrelevant, since only a particular section of the gay community took an interest in gay politics in the first place.

In a dangerous rush of blood to head, Humphries felt a new theory coming on. Unwisely, he then proceeded to launch into it. (And, needless to say, I paraphrase from memory.)

“So, perhaps we could say that the gay population divides into two groups? The “active”, and the…”

Long, agonising pause, in which I imagined Tatchell sitting there, imperiously poker-faced, waiting to see how Humphries would dig himself out.

(dismissively, somewhat crossly) “…well, let’s not get too bogged down with categories here.”

Sadly, they never mention this one on the “blunder” compilations. But I don’t forget these things in a hurry.

Those MBIAT guest posts in full.

I spent some of last week hanging out at Zoe’s place. These were the results.

1. Troubled Twat, or My Boyfriend Is A Diva.

In which I celebrate K’s birthday by decking him out in pistachio and germolene.

2. Popping out for meat.

A gentle country stroll, with carnivorous intent.

3. Quick, Name A Queen Song – The Results.

A predictable reversion to type. (And to think that I originally saw this guest-blogging gig as a chance to stop banging on about pop music the whole time. Ah well, at least I lasted for two whole posts.)

4. Things I Was Going To Tell You About This Week, But Never Got Round To.

Dancing horses, Japanese horror, and the return of Beefheart’s boys. (I shall be returning to the dancing horses in the near-ish future.)

Continue reading “Those MBIAT guest posts in full.”

So, Mike, how are you?

1. Look, is it OK if I whinge for a bit? Because I’m feeling a bit flat, if truth be told. I’ve been in a state of constant tiredness for the last few days; a sort of trashed-out fuzziness, both physical and mental. It’s been getting in the way of life, leaving me feeling lethargic and unenthusiastic, viewing every small action as a major chore.

2. I know where it’s come from: I’ve been keeping overly irregular hours. Too many late drinks (oh go on, just one more), late nights (I’ll just swing by the study and check my mail), grudging early starts, just-another-half-hour lie-ins… no pattern, no discipline. Manageable for a while, but ultimately unsustainable.

3. It’s a Nottingham thing, as well. The one snag with escaping to the cottage every weekend is the shadow that this casts over the rest of the week. And with three nights over there to four nights over here, there’s little spare time/energy/motivation for improving things here. To-do lists stay undone; the paper mountain in the kitchen stacks up; whole evenings are glumly mooched away, parked in front of the telly, on the uncomfortable leather sofa, in the stark, gloomy, high-walled, awkwardly-shaped sitting room that we’ve never managed to get quite right.

4. We should move, of course. We know that. We’ve been here far too long already: almost thirteen years, and we only ever meant to stay for five. What looked fresh and new in 1992 now looks tired and stale in 2005. Things have got tatty round the edges. Walls need painting; fixtures need fixing; clutter needs clearing. (All that accumulated detritus: too old to need, too good to chuck.) With all of our entertaining taking place at weekends, nobody comes round any more. Not ever. So why bother, when no-one even sees the place?

5. We should move, of course. But the timing is never right. Can’t do this until this happens. The flood-damaged flooring still needs replacing, but progress is slow. Dithering over what to do in the abandoned and overgrown yards outside, which would put anybody off before they’d even made it through the door. Waiting until things settle down with K’s new company, so we can plan ahead with confidence. Trying to work out what we want – how much or how little space, what price range, what area – looking around, but never finding anything that feels right. Because, underneath it all, we’ve grown weary of Nottingham itself – and no smart new gaff is going to change any of that.

6. Ten years ago, at the height of my mad-fer-it hedonistic days, I lived for the freedom and release of the weekend. Ten years on, with pre-occupations and priorities so radically revised, I find myself slipping back into an oddly familiar dichotomy. For every Friday night, when the car gets the other side of Derby, and we bear left onto the minor road, instantly swapping pinched suburbia for lush open countryside, I feel my entire sense of self shifting. And by the time we get past Carsington Water and onto the tiny, winding Bradbourne road, and the hills start rising around us in the early evening light – reassuringly familiar and yet stimulatingly different, as we take in all the subtle seasonal developments, unseen since the previous week – I have shed my city skin entirely, giving my Nottingham life barely another thought until Monday morning rolls around again.

7. Sorry, what was I saying earlier on? Oh, that. Well, never mind about all of that now. There are clothes to be folded, bags to be packed, a boot to load up, our journalist friend to pick up… and we don’t want to hang around any later than we have to. Perhaps we’ll call in for a quick pit-stop pint at The Gate along the way. Anyway, nearly there now. Nearly there.

Those Bloggers’ Disco CD tracklists in full.

(Because I never got round to publishing them all before. Thanks to Debster for the reminder.)

Disc 1.

“…a good crowd-pleasing, floor-filling opener, which would probably work just as well at a wedding disco as it would at a bloggers’ disco.”

1. Dragostea Din Tei – O-Zone
2. Filthy/Gorgeous – Scissor Sisters
3. I Believe In A Thing Called Love – The Darkness
4. Lust For Life – Iggy Pop
5. Panic – The Smiths
6. Sheena Is A Punk Rocker – Ramones
7. Too Drunk To Fuck – Nouvelle Vague
8. The Snake – Al Wilson
9. Wild Dances – Ruslana
10. Disco Inferno – The Trammps
11. Oops Upside Your Head – The Gap Band
12. Play That Funky Music – Wild Cherry
13. Funky Cold Medina – Tone Loc
14. Brown Sugar – The Rolling Stones
15. Disco 2000 – Pulp
16. She Sells Sanctuary – The Cult
17. Heroes – David Bowie
18. Let’s Stay Together – Al Green
19. You To Me Are Everything – The Real Thing
20. Stay With You – Lemon Jelly
21. Drop The Pressure – Mylo
22. Blue Monday – New Order
23. Deceptacon (DFA remix) – Le Tigre

Disc 2.

“Having got all the bloggers on the dancefloor with the clarion call that is Megamix #1 , we can now afford to widen our scope, throw a few curveballs, take a few risks. But not too many risks; we don’t want any disgruntled punters marching up to the DJ booth and asking when we’re going to play some “proper music”.”

“So variety is the order of day here. Something for the kids, something for the mums and dads, something for the cool gay uncles dancing “ironically” – and why, I think even Grandma in the corner might be spotted tapping the odd toe or two!”

1. Abracadabra – Steve Miller Band
2. Our Lips Are Sealed (extended version) – Fun Boy Three
3. Kiss Me – Stephen “Tin Tin” Duffy
4. Girls – The Prodigy
5. Ebeneezer Goode – The Shamen
6. I Am The Resurrection – The Stone Roses
7. Love Shack – The B-52’s
8. Groovin’ With Mr. Bloe – Mr. Bloe
9. Woolly Bully – Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs
10. Ace Of Spades – Hayseed Dixie
11. A Boy Named Sue – Johnny Cash
12. Birdhouse In Your Soul – They Might Be Giants
13. Come Dancing – The Kinks
14. Jive Soweto – Sipho Mabuse
15. Copacabana – Barry Manilow
16. Glow – Rick James
17. If I Can’t Have You – Yvonne Elliman
18. MacArthur Park – Donna Summer
19. Blame It On The Boogie – The Jacksons
20. Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now – McFadden & Whitehead
21. I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
22. Don’t Leave Me This Way – Thelma Houston

Disc 3.

“Hold the cheese! As our third megamix steers an altogether more “credible” course (albeit in a somewhat mid-1990s student disco fashion, as usage of the term “credible” might imply), those of you with the musical equivalent of lactose intolerance may derive great comfort from it.”

“The set starts with a sedate mid-paced shuffle, before slowly ramping up the levels of thrash to a shattering – nay, cathartic – intensity. A restorative retro/Tarantino interlude then leads us into a full-on lasers-and-smoke-machines finale, before everyone collapses into a sodden heap to the strains of a universally acknowledged classic.”

1. Fascinating Rhythm – Bass-O- Matic
2. Where It’s At – Beck
3. How Soon Is Now – Tatu
4. Animal Nitrate – Suede
5. (White Man) In Hammersmith Palais – The Clash
6. Tubthumping – Chumbawamba
7. Step On – Happy Mondays
8. Jump Around – House Of Pain
9. Let’s Get Ready To Rhumble – PJ & Duncan
10. Do Ya Think I’m Sexy? – Revolting Cocks
11. Cannonball – The Breeders
12. Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana
13. Delilah – Tom Jones
14. Stuck In The Middle With You – Stealers Wheel
15. You Never Can Tell – Chuck Berry
16. Tainted Love – Gloria Jones
17. Shack Up – A Certain Ratio
18. Don’t Stop Till You Get To Bollywood – Bollywood Freaks
19. You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) – Sylvester
20. 1999 – Binary Finary
21. Born Slippy – Underworld
22. Teenage Kicks – The Undertones

Disc 4.

“The Obscure One.”

“From cheese to cred to cult; that’s the progression we’re adopting down at the Bloggers’ Disco, as Volume 4 sees us investigating some of your more leftfield suggestions. Indeed, most of today’s tracks are as unfamiliar to me as they no doubt will be to you. Nevertheless, I have hopefully knitted them together into some sort of coherent order – albeit without any of the fancy mixing techniques of the first few sets.”

“After a gentle beginning – more Bloggers’ Chill Lounge than Bloggers’ Disco – we move into mostly guitar-based waters, of the sort that will probably appeal to the Uncut/Mojo readers amongst you. If none of this tickles your dancing feet, then might I suggest that this would be a good time to grab a paper plate and avail yourself of the tasty treats over at the Bloggers’ Buffet? Once you’ve done that, then let’s have you all burning off those calories with our funkier closing section, which will transport you back to the New York underground disco scene of the late 1970s.”

1. Voodoo Ray – Acid Brass
2. Chocolate Jesus – Tom Waits
3. Chunga’s Revenge – Gotan Project
4. Eight Miles High – Leo Kottke
5. Can Megan – Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci
6. Love You Madly – Cake
7. And I Will Cry – Little Rabbits
8. Billy Boola – Bono/Gavin Friday
9. Bright Yellow Gun – Throwing Muses
10. The Feeling’s Gone – The Apollinaires
11. Seven Deadly Finns – Brian Eno
12. 9 Volt – The Fierce Lime & his Ponytail Assassins
13. Hey Jealousy – Gin Blossoms
14. Y’a un fille qu’habite chez moi – Benabar
15. What Is Hip? – Tower Of Power
16. Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker) – Parliament
17. Ask Me (Danny Krivit re-edit) – Ecstasy, Passion & Pain
18. Reasons To Be Cheerful Part 3 – Ian Dury & The Blockheads
19. Anikana-O – Kongas

Disc 5.

“Like disco never happened.”

“Our penultimate megamix moves from glacial alienation, through gay electro-pop, through cutesy-wutesy indie-jangle, through leather-jacketed rebel-rock, to beer-sodden bar-room boogie, before ending with a flurry of pure 1980s pop. OK, so it’s not what you might call “funky”, but it does its job all the same.”

1. Vienna – Ultravox
2. Being Boiled – Human League
3. Love To Hate You – Erasure
4. Absolutely Fabulous – Pet Shop Boys
5. Common People – Pulp
6. Rise And Shine – The Cardigans
7. I’m A Cuckoo – Belle & Sebastian
8. Girl From Mars – Ash
9. Crash – The Primitives
10. Never Understand – The Jesus & Mary Chain
11. My Way – Sid Vicious
12. My Generation – The Who
13. Caroline – Status Quo
14. Cool For Cats – Squeeze
15. Prince Charming – Adam & The Ants
16. Anarchy In The UK – Sex Pistols
17. I’m In The Mood For Dancing – The Nolans
18. Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go – Wham!
19. Take On Me – A-ha
20. You Came – Kim Wilde
21. It’s My Life – Talk Talk
22. Tonight – Easyworld

Disc 6.

“The last gasp.”

“Our Bloggers’ disco has turned into something of a dance marathon, hasn’t it? Assuming that we start the dancing with the first megamix at 8pm, and play each mix in sequence, then the sixth and final mix won’t even start until 2.40 in the morning. So let’s take a look round the room and see who’s left standing.”

“OK, I can see that some of you are flagging a bit. So let’s have you all back on the floor for one more massed knees-up, culminating in an old favourite from 1990 which always, always has everyone dancing. (Is there anyone alive who doesn’t like this? No, thought not.)”

“With many of you starting to collect your coats and phone for cabs, the next two sections of the mix are designed to cater for two groups who have been given somewhat short shrift over the past few hours.”

“Firstly, the saucer-eyed Ravey Davey Graveys finally get a chance to make some interesting shapes with their hands, to a selection of Banging Choons. “What’s yer name? Where yer from? What’s yer URL? Top one!” Sadly, we couldn’t afford any smoke and lasers at our disco – but the three little coloured sound-to-light bulbs on the top of the right hand speaker are flashing away like no-one’s business. Cosmic!”

“Secondly, the group of disgruntled rockers on the plastic stacking chairs in the far corner, who have been moaning about how there hasn’t been any “proper” music all night, finally leap to their feet, put their pint glasses on the floor, stick their thumbs through their belt loops, and “bond” (in an entirely non-sexual way) to a selection of rock tracks old and new.”

“As the bar staff advance, J-cloths in hand, to wipe down the tables and lift up the chairs, the small remaining gaggle of diehards form a big circle, arms around shoulders, and bellow their lungs out to… well, you’ll see.”

“One more tune! One more tune!”

“One more tune it is, then. Even though the house lights are up, and the bar manager is jangling his keys impatiently. A disco classic, to send you off into the early morning (is it 4 o’clock already?) with a smile on your face and a “Best Disco EVAH!” post already drafting itself in your head.”

1. From New York To L.A. – Patsy Gallant
2. Build Me Up Buttercup – The Foundations
3. Reet Petite – Jackie Wilson
4. Get Right – Jennifer Lopez feat Fabolous
5. Groove Is In The Heart – Deee-Lite
6. LFO (Leeds Warehouse mix) – LFO
7. Anxiety – A Guy Called Gerald
8. Yeah (Crass Version) – LCD Soundsystem
9. Bliss – Muse
10. Finding Out True Love Is Blind – Louis XIV
11. Rocky Mountain Way – Joe Walsh
12. The Prophet’s Song – Queen
13. Thru’ These Architect’s Eyes – David Bowie
14. Hey Jude – The Beatles
15. Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life – Monty Python
16. Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough – Michael Jackson

Big Blogger 2005.

Courtesy of Watksi and The Long Lost Lagomorph, here’s a potentially cracking new blog-stunt thingy: Big Blogger 2005. Fifteen bloggers; various tasks; voting; elimination; and one eventual winner.

OK, so something similar has happened here before… and something similar is happening here right now… but I don’t think there has ever been a UK-based version before. And I think that this has the potential to be a complete hoot.

The organisers are currently looking for contestants, and have put out a call for nominations. As there’s nothing in the rules against it, I have duly nominated myself. So if you too have a ruthlessly competitive streak and are best motivated by fear of failure/enjoy creative collaborations with like-minded souls, in a nurturing and mutually supportive environment (I’d say “delete as appropriate”, but in my case I actually think that both apply), then hurry on over and pimp your ass! Or somebody else’s!

Troubled Twat, or My Boyfriend Is A Diva.

I once received a very pleasant and thoughtful e-mail from a passing stranger, which critiqued this site to a comfortable level of detail (just enough to show that he had been paying attention; not so much as to raise my Stalker Alarm), and in agreeably favourable terms (i.e. at a suitable mid-point between dutifully polite and queasily sycophantic). Then, right at the end of the e-mail, he revealed that he had stumbled across my site by typing “tony parsons is a twat” into Google.

Never having used this phrase – such brutally derogatory invective not being my usual stock in trade – I was initially a little taken aback by this. (Besides which, my views on Tony Parsons are not a matter of public record.) However, since the phrase “is a twat” occurs on every one of my archive pages, I could hardly be too surprised for too long. Sometimes, you get the Google traffic you deserve.

All of which is a very roundabout way of letting you know that I’m currently guest-blogging on Zoe’s site, along with fellow guests anna, vitriolica and auntymarianne. One can only guess at the sort of Google-trade she has to contend with – but I bet it ain’t pretty. Anyway, HELLO BELGIUM! Your Top Ten’s rubbish, your Eurovision entry was worse, but who cares! Luvyatabits anyways!