Choc an’ Awe

(posted by D)

I could just go for a chocolate spoon right now… I’d stir coffee with it and turn it into a mochachino, then give Nigella Lawson the spoon to lick for her studio audience’s delight.

One thing I have discovered over years of travelling the world is that there is no doubt, and I can guarantee unequivocally, that Cadbury’s chocolate is, to put not too fine a point on it, the best on the planet. No arguments, it just is. No, really shut up. It is. I’ve conducted exhaustive studies by eating lots of it.

The French like to think of themselves as chocolate connaisseurs, something to do with them being so close to Switzerland no doubt and every March the patisseries and boulangeries are filled to the gunnels with chocolate fish for April 1st “Poisson D’Avril” day where you give people chocolate fish that taste of cr*p (had to remind myself to bleep that) and pin paper fish on their backs. None of this detracts from the fact that Cadbury’s is still far supperior to their Côte d’Or, Nestlé and so forth.

Lets not even mention Germany and Spanish chocolate, they’re awful, bitter and just plain nasty. The only other contender in the world arena for chocolate would be Hershey’s and Mars. Mars doesn’t go for straight chocolate products, they usually use it to coat fillings like fluffy hooverbag contents and caramel, or conversely to hide the chocolate away within brittle shells that break your teeth. Hersheys… Hersheys…

Let me tell you about Hersheys…

Its awful. Its so awful that the Yanks don’t realise that it is, and it really is. When confronted about how poor their chocolate is they reply that its what they’re used to. For a while after I moved to London I would be woken up in the middle of the night by the three a.m. freight train that the landlord hadn’t warned me about. I got used to it but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t annoying. So I guess I feel lucky to be back in a country that understand the principles of making good chocolate and making it all year round.

Plus I love that purple metallic wrapper… and the snap of the chocolate after its been in the fridge for a while… and the way you bite into it and leave teeth impressions… oh man, I need some Dairy Milk now…

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