Go to hell…

Posted by Fantastic Amazing John

Yo niggers!

Michael of the Midlands (the troubled diva in question) has been sniping at me for not posting. Well here it is. Why is he of the Midlands you cry? Because all the middle-aged homo-gays live in Blandshire. I’m sure I will when I’m 50 too. Anyway, enough compliments for one day – I’ve got proper stuff to do!

I’m making excuses for not posting more frequently – I’ve been busy. Good things come to those who wait anyway…

Since you’re either somone whose job is so yawnsome you read blogs all day, sat in your office, or you’re somone whose entire life is so boring you read about other people’s boring lives all day long, my narrative should buck you up a little. God has smiled on one of us at least.

Tuesday and Wednesday were spent in hospital, healing the sick. Really, someone should beatify me…the old men and women on the wards LOVE me!!! The fact that I posess excellent inter-personal skills are a test to my perfect upbringing and pedigree parentage. Mummy and Daddy always taught me to be nice to the poor, elderly and the stupid. Combine these qualities with the fact that I’m a walking Oxford Textbook of Clinical Medicine and Integrated Surgery, and you have an excellent doctor-to-be. Only 4 years and I’m let-loose! They’ll probably turn it into a saint’s day or something.

I saw a fantastic case of pulsatile hepatomegaly (enlarged liver with a pulse) – a sure sign of left ventricular failure. It’s a sign you don’t encounter very often as it develops fairly late on in cardiac failure and the patient has usually died by this time. This old dude didn’t have long left bless him… He couldn’t lift his legs onto the bed from sitting so we helped him and as I took my hands from underneath his legs, they were covered in smelly goo. His legs were so oedematous (swollen from fluid build-up) that the interstitial fluid (tissue fluid) was actually being forced out of his skin and dripping off. I couldn’t wait to Ayeleffe my hands… I felt dirty all day. Not in a good dirty way – like you’ve given a hot guy a blow job in a train station toilet; but in a bad dirty way like the toilet guy wanted to piss on you and now you smell. You see what I mean?

Today I was meant to go and visit my eldery patient but I couldn’t go. We’re doing a community health study on patient’s over 65 yrs, who are taking 4 or more medications. We see him every few weeks and just have a chat and ask some questions about his drugs. Called up to arrange a time to visit but his siter had just died so he was a bit up in the air. I gave him my sympathy ‘cos he’s a nice old guy.

But, every cloud has a silver lining (for me anyway). It meant I could go to the matinee performance of Whistle Down The Wind at the Liverpool Empire. I saw it with friend Emmeline – my crazy drunken friend, and we loved it. We do love our musical theatre. We’re going to a mutual friend’s house party tomorrow night and I’ll be drunk and so will she. When we’re drunk, we resembled Jack and Karen of Will and Grace TV show fame. Except I’m hotter and she has smaller titties. We’re a fab team. I love us!

John’s Tip Of The Day: Take life with a pinch of salt.

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