Ooh, MEEM. Perfectly timed for the new bash-it-out-regardless regime, say I.
1. My uncle once: blew up aeroplanes (legally), to see what would happen to the luggage.
2. Never in my life: have I even got as far as First Base with a lady.
3. When I was five: I wrote my first short story, a simple ode to independent enterprise called The Egg Chick.
4. High school was: a cruel, loveless environment for a sensitive, mixed-up kid like me, and I bore the scars for years (and still do, a little bit).
5. I will never forget: the (very long) name of that mountain in New Zealand, as recited by Quantum Jump at the start of their 1979 hit “The Lone Ranger”.
6. Once I met: Miss Rotherham Advertiser 1981.
7. There’s this girl I know: who’s bright, and sharp, and funny, and interested in the world around her, and irrepressibly, infectiously positive in her outlook – and I can’t wait to see what she does with her life, because I suspect she’ll do a lot.
8. Once, at a bar: a stripped-off stripper coaxed me into stroking his freshly oiled torso – the error of which I only realised once he’d moved on, leaving my hands rancid with thick, noxious gloop.
9. By noon, I’m usually: just about coming into full mental focus.
10. Last night: I went to a twenty-first birthday party, where the birthday boy socially engineered me into sitting on the Young People’s Table – which was initially nerve-wracking but ultimately great, as the Young People that I talked to were ace and I had some of the most stimulating conversations that I’ve had in a long, long time (it’s tough restricting some of these answers to a single sentence, innit?).
11. If only I had: more confidence in my abilities.
12. Next time I go to church: it will be to show someone the truly beautiful new stained glass window that was installed in June.
13. What worries me most: are self-invented and illusory projections of doom, which prevent me from getting things done.
14. When I turn my head left I see: a nice pregnant lady.
15. When I turn my head right I see: a recently vacated desk (she’s buggered off to Bournemouth).
16. You know I’m lying when: hell freezes over, as I’m congenitally incapable of lying (exaggerations, half-truths and strategic omissions are as close as I can get).
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: the weekly music press.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: something flighty and pouffy, like Puck.
19. By this time next year: K’s life will be a whole lot better, you mark my words.
20. A better name for me would be: Doubled Trivia, as an ex-blogger waggishly dubbed me in the early days.
21. I have a hard time understanding: what you’re saying, unless I can see your lips move (so maybe it’s time to recharge the stopper bottle with olive oil).
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: make sure it’s during the holidays, when no one’s around.
23. You know I like you if: I can talk freely in your company.
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: the person who gave me the award, like DUH.
25. Take my advice, never: ring-fence your tastes.
26. My ideal breakfast is: a freshly baked buttery croissant, followed by scrambled egg with smoked salmon.
27. A song I love but do not have is: Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, by Elton John and Kiki Dee (I had to think for a long time about this one).
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: visit the market.
29. Why won’t people: do as they would be done by?
30. If you spend a night at my house: you’ll be glad you did, as we’re bloody good hosts and the guest facilities are, frankly, gorgeous.
31. I’d stop my wedding for: all eternity, as I’m already civil partnered and have absolutely zero desire for an upgrade.
32. The world could do without: wasps (please note lower case, as I have no wish for self-extinction).
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: jump in the deep end, or drive down a motorway.
34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: Kevin Ayers in the early 1970s, Deborah Harry in the late 1970s.
35. Paper clips are more useful than: protractors and set squares.
36. If I do anything well it’s: unlikely that I’ll keep quiet about it, as I’m a boastful little sod.
37. I can’t help but: worry that my revisions won’t show up on the RSS feed.
38. I usually cry: during Desert Island Discs, at the end of Breakfast At Tiffany’s, and when the housemates get their messages from home on Big Brother.
39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: if you’re good at something and you enjoy it, then stick with it.
40. And by the way: you’re beautiful, did anyone ever tell you that?
I’m tagging: Reluctant Nomad, who hasn’t blogged since May 2007 (and if I can come out of mothballs, then so can he).