The ten minute blog post.

Oh cripes. Tonight, I’ve got ten minutes. Let’s go.

Yesterday’s amateur strip night at the White Swan exceeded all my expectations, chiefly due to the extraordinary performance given by “Viola”, a scrawny sixtysomething tranny from Latvia with a limited grasp of English, and indeed reality. Despite being initially received by a more or less stunned silence from the punters, by the time it came to the public vote we had all recovered our bearings enough to give her a massive, sustained ovation.

Disgracefully, this was not enough to prevent Viola from being eliminated from the final vote. Oh you should have heard the boos. This travesty was solely due to the dictatorial whim of Liam Behind The Bar, who decided that, as a former winner, Viola should make way for the Brazilian classical music singer (furry, cute) and The Obliging Straight Lad Who Had Been Put Up To It By His Gay Mates (skinny, endowed).

The final vote being too close to call, the Brazilian and the Straight Lad ended up splitting the 100 quid winnings down the middle, before reprising their acts à deux. The crowd rapidly thinned, and I made the 1:45 night bus with a few minutes to spare.

I just know I’ll be back next week, and the week after, and the week after that, and the week after that. It’s the Reality TV fan in me, you see. Dancing On Ice was never like this.

Right then, I’m off for a posh meal at the Conran joint above the Canary Wharf Waitrose, where I shall be meeting qB (of Frizzy Logic) and her fella for the first time. Once again, vive la difference.

Update (1): Ian from Blogadoon – my fellow voyeur, and weekly White Swan regular – has seen Viola in action before.

Update (2): The password “WHITE SWAN”, when used in the presence of certain members of the serving staff at Canary Wharf’s ultra-swish Plateau Bar & Grill, will guarantee an extra-attentive level of service for the remainder of the evening. More details (plus a photo of the magnificent view) over at frizzyLogic – to which I have appended further comments.

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