Mug Lust Rewarded: Anna’s Critical Appreciation Challenge.

Yesterday, I set Anna (the second most typical reader of this blog) a challenge: to compose a critical appreciation of the 40 In 40 Days Project, in 300 words or more, by 10:00 this morning.

Having successfully completed the challenge, Anna would then be able to legitimately tick box #27 in my “typical reader” checklist – thus gaining herself an extra point, and raising her score to 26. This would put her into equal first place with Lyle, thus earning her the Troubled Diva coffee mug which she so brazenly craved.

After posting interesting first and second drafts last night, Anna presented her final draft this morning. I am taking the liberty of reproducing it here.

Dear mike he is a blogger,
who once wrote 40 bits
on family, k, gayness,
and women (who have tits)
he once went through a straight patch, snogged that bird from ‘Vicar D’
who is ‘the one who’s ditzy’.
The show is not funnee,

When tiny, Mikey’s sandbox (a metaphor, I think)
when tipped out on the lawn did bring his mother from the sink
and watching him, despondent, she bitterly complained
I wonder for mikes mother. She bare crops up again.

Except around the time, of course
his dad announced the big divorce
a-sitting on his son mike’s bed
he wept a little, and he said
that mummy forthwith was to be
a-living with one ‘Mr G’
A line was drawn, in life, book, post
this is the part that touched me most.

Same father who at that point cried
much later on, before he died
(at least a couple years before)
would not walk to his own son’s door
On learning that he was a mary.
Oh! Hang on! Not PC, meant ‘fairy’
No, that is incorrect as well, a poof?
Queen? Homosexual? Some word with ‘wooof
Oh bugger, bugger, sorry, hell
I have mess up, I cannot tell
which terminology most pleases
re. mike and the gender he squeezes.

Of course, the only one to benefit
– for twenty years (or most of it) –
from Michael’s squeezes is the man
he met, as part of Grocerina’s plan
a set-up, and for once and all
one that worked, and at the ball
(or club) our michael met his match.

Meanwhile, in Holland, some odd batch
of ugly men, with greying hair
would meet in silent rooms and there
would share the task of jacking off
one for each other, til enough
was had – for Mike, that wasn’t long
his heart not in it, something wrong
Mike ran away and clubbed it up
with some hard-bodied soft porn pup.

And speaking of soft porn, let’s not
forget the man in Hamleys, hot
for Mike and his porn actor looks
he offered roles, but (as in books) (?)
was turned down by our hero fretting
the reputation he’d be getting
if he were to take the job
from his mum, and his dad, Bob.

Bob wasn’t really his dad’s name.
I made that up. For rhyme. Yes. Lame.

This is my third and last attempt
to win, by proving that I’ve read
each every word, not one exempt
of 40/40, half braindead

I’m trying hard, and trying to prove
that over all the rest of yous
I fit some statistical outline
Mike made up to clarifine
Who his most average reader be.

I am most average.
This be me.

Give me the mug.

Genius, no? I think you’ll agree that Anna has more than fulfilled her brief. With this in mind, I propose to award her NOT one, but TWO mugs. One from the “classic” range, and one from the “novelty” range, featuring those irrepressible little critters, the racist ducks. One for Anna, and one for her Beau. Or one for home, and the other for her prestigious and influential workplace.

(This is what we call a marketing “push” exercise, you see: promoting the product by releasing limited stocks amongst key “opinion formers”. I’m not daft!)

Anna Pickard: Troubled Diva salutes your courage, your strength, your indefatigability, your facility with rhyme, and your rampant Mug Lust.

Lyle: for ticking 26 out of 30 boxes, you too will be receiving a mug. How does the position of Official Site Mascot sound?

Non-blogging readers John and Tim: with scores of 11 each, you are officially declared Troubled Diva’s most atypical readers. Mugs all round, boys! Please contact me with your postal addresses, and I’ll do the rest.

As for everyone else who participated: mugs are available for purchase in the foyer. Please don’t all rush at once.

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