Tickets, money, passports, new sandals, AA batteries, cancel the papers, shorts still need ironing…

Diamond Geezer doesn’t do holidays. Initially, I was shocked. But after the experience of the last few days, I’m beginning to think that he might have a point after all. Because this morning, frantically trying to tie up all the loose ends at work while grimly contemplating the mad dash round the shops that will constitute my lunch break, I experienced something of an epiphany.

We don’t take holidays to recover from normal life, with all of its soothing routines and established divisions of work and labour. Normal life we can cope with, for the most part. No: we actually take holidays in order to recover from the hellish weeks of preparation which precede them. It’s one of those self-perpetuating circular thingummybobs, innit.

Tomorrow lunchtime, K and I fly to Bangkok, and thence to Phuket, where a week’s stay at the über-swanky Banyan Tree spa resort awaits us. Basically, everything about this trip has been conceived as an antidote to the rigours of our recent Peruvian “experience” (vastly worthwhile in so many ways – but ultimately draining, both physically and spiritually). So sod authenticity, stuff your temples, and give us the artificial luxury bubble which we so deeply crave!

Orchids on the pillow at turn-down time! Therapeutic “treatments” involving liberal lashings of wickedly over-priced aromatic gunk! Somewhere to plug in the iPod! Freshly opened coconuts with little umbrellas sticking out of them! Our own private outdoor sunken bath! Our own private swimming pool, for f**k’s sake! Even though I can’t swim a stroke! Because I can still f***ing PADDLE, OK! Al fresco breakfast and afternoon tea, served daily to our villa by impeccably courteous liveried staff! A choice of eight international restaurants where we can swan around in our diaphanous layers! The new Tom Wolfe novel! It’s had crap reviews! But I don’t care!

Oh, just bring it all the f**k on, why don’t you. My needs might be crass, but at least they are well defined.

Peru and Thailand. Thailand and Peru. Bookends to an interregnum.

Which reminds me to make the following announcement:
From Monday December 6th, Troubled Diva will revert to a full regular service.

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