Guest Weeks. Dontchajustluvvem?
I know I do. Over at Uborka, I’m having a high old time, and enjoying the challenge of coming up with postings that will, at least to some degree, fit into Pete and Karen’s house style.
(Incidentally, to fully understand my third Uborka posting (Recipes of Yesteryear), you will need to be familiar with the second posting, including the comments. Meanwhile, the fourth posting (YAHNET Acronyms) is something of a world exclusive, which will hopefully be of particular interest to Internet historians. Overseas readers may struggle with this one, I’m sorry to say.)
In the meantime, Peter has been assembling his cast for the first ever Naked Blog Guest Week, which kicks off on Monday June 7th. I can scarcely wait.
Today, upon reading some marvellous news in one of my favourite blogs, I had a sudden realisation. Namely, that of the five contributors to my inaugural Guest Week in March 2003:
- Anna has subsequently written for The Guardian.
- D has had excerpts from Acerbia published in a “best of blogs” anthology.
- Faustus MD has successfully negotiated a book deal for last year’s superlative Gay Dating Haiku.
I am beyond thrilled. Just call me Richard Park.
There only remains one thing for me to say: YOO-HOO! COO-EEE! OVER HERE!
Recipes of Yesteryear
Dodo en croute with a fweet chilli jam, ferved on a polenta and wafabioatcake.
Firft, catch your Dodo.
Decapitate and bone.
(If boiled for many hourf, ye bill may make a fuperlative and nourifhing – if, alaf,fomewhat noxiouf – ftock.)
Roaft your Dodo in a clay oven, until ye characteriftic odour of urine ftartf to prevail.
At thif juncture, ye flefh fhould have developed a fine patina of verdigrif, fuch af will glow e’en in ye blackneff of ye night.
ftick ye Dodo in fome paftry which ye have preparèd earlier.
(A thoufand pardonf. My culinary fkillf are but meagre.)
fmear fome jam on top.
Plonk ye Dodo on ye oatcake.
Enfure that your gueftf have been furnifhèd with a goodly fupply of nofe pegf, with which to hold ye foul ftench at bay.
ferve.
Retire to vomitorium at leifure.
Whereupon ye might care to contemplate ye wretchedneff of your lot.
YAHNET Acronyms
Most Internet historians, while quick to acknowledge the early influence of JANET (the UK’s Joint Academic Network), are all too often slow to acknowledge the equally pioneering role that was played by YAHNET: a communications network that was set up in the mid 1980s by a consortium of many of the country’s leading public schools. Thanks to the generous levels of funding which these establishments enjoyed, a thriving community of scholars soon developed – complete with their own set of commonly used acronyms.
Keen to keep this knowledge safely hidden from their social inferiors (orLO, as they were known), YAHNET systems administrators went to great lengths to ensure that these acronyms never entered the public domain. Indeed, it has taken me many months of diligent sleuthing to track them down – finally tracing them to an old DEC VAX on a council tip on the outskirts of Winchester.
It therefore gives me great pleasure to publish the semi-legendary YAHNET acronyms for the first time ever on the World Wide Web –exclusively on Uborka.
| 1 | first person singular |
| 1s | first person possessive |
| + – — | major/minor/minimus (e.g. Smith+ Smith- Smith–) |
| M8R/P8R | parents |
| BK | master |
| RCHBK | headmaster |
| M8RN | matron |
| LWWD | cleaner (lit. little woman who does) |
| XE@ | mid-term weekend break |
| XULE | actually (replaces the full stop at the end of most sentences) |
| DUK | don’t you know (alternative to XULE above) |
| SBITTS | offline (lit. scoffing buns in the tuck shop) |
| WMTS | where’s my toast, sprog? |
| FMTF | fetch my tea, fag! |
| GLO | ghastly little oik |
| FLS | frightful little squirt (e.g. Smith– is a FLS XULE) |
| APCP | addle-pated clodpod (arch.) |
| CLM | common little man |
| LO/NR/OOU | social classification system (lit. lower orders/nouveau riche/one of us) |
| SITC | something in the city (e.g. 1s P8R is SITC DUK) |
| 1XI/2XI | first eleven/second eleven (cricket team) |
| 1XV/2XV | first fifteen/second fifteen (rugby team) |
| <=> | rugger |
| 3<=> | rugger bugger |
| 8= | cricket |
| Jo | hockey |
| CCF | shadowy military indoctrination cult |
| PFIJD | pillow fight in junior dorm |
| SBG | soggy biscuit game |
| WITS | post-match onanism (not to be confused with hockey orcricket above) |
| BKB8R | strong term of abuse (lit. wanker) (see BK above) |
troubled diva 