A list.

(posted by anna, late in the night, refreshingly sober)

The main differences between roses and spoons

  1. Although the basic structure of spoons and roses is similar (-long slender stem, bulbous tip-) spoons seldom have thorns.
  2. Giving someone a dozen spoons during courtship is unlikely to get them into bed.
  3. It is very difficult to eat anything with a rose. Apart from yoghurt.
  4. Spoons are man-made. Roses are not.
    Unless you take ‘man-made’ to include God, which we won’t, on grounds of sexism and agnosticism.
    (Not necessarily male, and probably doesn’t exist anyway.)
  5. Roses taste better raw than spoons. Unless the spoon is made of chocolate.
  6. Although roses are often present at weddings, they are seldom given as a traditional gift.
    Because they would die, and that would not be an auspicious sign.
  7. Instead, a wooden spoon is often given as a wedding gift, much more positive in symbolising the handing over the role of disciplinarian from the father to the husband.
    So that‘s alright then.
  8. If you bury a spoon, it will not create new spoons.
  9. It is difficult to kill someone with a rose.
  10. People dancing Tango never clench a spoon between their teeth.
  11. Spoons don’t smell nice. Unless they’ve been somewhere nice.
  12. Roses always smell nice. Unless they’ve been somewhere horrible, like up an animal’s bum or something.
  13. At the end of a ballet, people don’t generally throw spoons at the stage.
    I think they should.
  14. People don’t wander from pub to pub, selling ‘a spoon for the lady, sir?
  15. If you leave a spoon in your coffee, nothing will happen. If you leave a rose in your coffee, it will die, and people will think you’re mad and run away from you. It’s not nice.
  16. The rose is the symbol of several countries, counties and states. It is a fine and noble flower.
  17. The spoon is rarely adopted as a national emblem. Because it’s a spoon.

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