(posted, unsurprisingly, by anna)
Firstly, sisters, let me thank my gracious host (mike – a man, but he can’t help that…)
(Pause for laughter)
for giving me this opportunity to speak on behalf of the fairer sex this week, if only by default, and thank you, sisters, for allowing me to speak, for, of, and to, You.
In accepting the title of
‘Miss troubled diva guestblogger‘
I will, alongside my tireless work for world peace and disabled house-pets, accept the responsibility of furthering the cause of All my sex, and will to this end, be;
- Talking about shopping.
- Breaking off in the middle of a post to pluck my eyebrows.
- Wearing pink.
- On a diet.
- Propping Barbies and vases of flowers on top of my computer.
- Bursting into tears for little reason.
- Giggling about boys.
- Worrying about the size of my bottom.
I speak not for myself, but for all the girls out there, sitting in front of their computer screens, playing with their hair and thinking about having babies.
For any readers of my own site, let me assure you that there will be none of the usual nonsense and obscenity, no swearing, ranting, burping, drunkenness, and I will certainly not be referring to my gaggle of co-hosts as ‘my b****es’
Thank you again, sisters, my darling girls, and thank you, Mike, for giving me this opportunity to act like the lady…
Also, if this post recieves more than 2500 comments, I pledge not to talk about periods.