[Posted by Mac]
Mike seems vaguely fascinated by the fact that I used to be a cheerleader. Who can blame him? It’s a weird thing to do. Being a former crack addict is more respectable than being a former cheerleader.
I have cheerleading shame.
Really, it’s hard to be a former cheerleader. To own up to willingly putting on a brief polyester outfit and making a complete ass out of yourself in front of large crowds of drunken sports fans is to admit that you’re a freakin’ idiot. It’s embarrassing to know that I have picked a wedgie thousands of times in public. There’s nothing dignified about being a cheerleader.
Least dignifying of all is the memory of the horrible cheerleading episodes gone awry. Like the time I was cheering at a crowded basketball game, lost my balance, and fell backwards through the swinging doors into the boys locker room. Oh, the grace and beauty of such a move! As if the act of being a cheerleader isn’t bad enough, I have to be a big klutz.
You also lose your street cred when you become a cheerleader. There’s just no way to be cool anymore. When once I was a green haired, combat boot wearing, Ministry loving freak, I could not shake the image of the big haired, gum chewing, vacant eyed bimbo.
There is only one thing that cheerleading has prepared me for. Even though I may be a seething bag of hate on the inside, I can fake being happy and behind the team very, very well. I owe all of my employment success to this very useful tool.
troubled diva 