All five decades are sitting anxiously in our Green Room, waiting for the first of the final eliminations to take place. By the end of today, four of these decades will be going home disappointed, while one of them will be officially declared Best! Decade! Evah!
Obviously, the mood backstage is very tense – although there has been the most marvellous cameraderie between all the decades. Well, all except the Eighties, that is. The “Me Decade” has been keeping noticeably aloof from the proceedings, disappearing into the toilets at regular intervals to re-apply its make-up and re-lacquer its hair.
Ah, there are the Sixties, handing round the cocktail snacks. Over there are the Seventies, slumped into bean bags and, er, mellowing out. Meanwhile, the Nineties seem to be hugging everyone and telling them how much they really, really love them, and how these friendships are for life, yeah? Are you looking forward to the results, Nineties?
“Yeah, nice one, top one, sorted. We’re mad fer it!”
And how about you, Noughties? Feeling tense about the first elimination?
“Well, at the end of the day, one of us has to go, right? Which is obviously really sad, but those are the rules of the game, and we all knew that we when we came in here, but at the end of the day, it is just a game show, and we’re really lucky to have got this far, so…”
Yes, thank you Noughties. Love that freshly ironed hair, by the way. My compliments to your stylists.
A team of independent adjudicators are now busily checking the results of your voting. As soon as they have finished, we will be announcing the name of the decade in fifth position. See you soon.