It is 11:10 on Sunday morning, and my stats counter is currently showing 999,804 page views. This means that Troubled Diva will be passing the one million mark later today.
To mark this intensely ego-gratifying occasion, I'm going to run a quick little competition.
The first person to e-mail me with a screenshot of this page, showing a Total Page View count of 1,000,000, will win - what else? - a Troubled Diva mug, in any one of the three popular designs: Classic, Novelty or Personality.
Last night, in a semi-advanced state of picklement following our respective "early doors" assignations on opposite sides of town (he was talking business in a no-smoking "boutique" bar, while I was a-chatting and a-chuffing with Miss Mish in an agreeably fuggy boozer), my fragrant civil partner and I - with chuckle bones duly limbered - sat ourselves down to judge the Trodicast™ caption competition.
It was, as they say, a difficult decision. Nevertheless, the jury is unanimous. The prize of one Troubled Diva coffee mug (oooh!) goes to...
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Paul of 1000 Shades of Grey, for the following entry, which combines razor-sharp observation, a sound knowledge of Cluedo, and that all-important "I seem to have got a big fat cock stuck up my arse!" reference (albeit tastefully veiled):
Professor Plum, in the study, with the candlestick.
Congratulations, Paul. Please e-mail me with your details, and your mug design of choice:
The classic range – featuring the site logo.
The novelty range – starring those irrepressible little critters, the racist ducks.
NEW! The personality range – in which Mike dances topless in his disco hat, just for YOU.
At K's noisy and repeated insistence, a Special Commendation Award also goes to Gordon, for his not-entirely-original (but-we-tip-our-hats-to-his-chutzpah-anyway):
Ooh, I seem to have got a big fat cock stuck up my arse!
Gordon: you win a voucher for half a mug, to be upgraded to a full mug on production of...
...a spoken word MP3, containing the above entry, recited in your own fair tones. (All publication rights to be signed over to me in perpetuity, natch.) Are you man enough to meet the challenge? K thinks you are!
My thanks to all who participated. As ever, consolation mugs are available for purchase from the usual outlets. And don't forget that new "personality" range!
Much as YouTube might be The Future Of The Internet As We Know It (Until The Next One Comes Along), it is not without its limitations... and, as I have recently discovered, its irritations.
If your Flash-enabled browser will allow it (and I realise that for some of you "It's my coffee break, honest!" office types, it will not), then cast your eyes down to the post below this one. As those of you on the right side of the digital divide will observe, the folks at YouTube have automatically selected a still image from the middle of my Trodicast™, with which to adorn their invitation-to-click.
Frankly, I'm horrified. As these vidcasts have demonstrated - for I have never watched myself talking to camera before - my dolly old eek does seem to be furnished with an unusually wide expressive range. (Well, I always was "theatrical".) However, does it really have to do that? Why, it looks as if... as if... as if...
Well, what do you think it looks like? At the suggestion of Ms. Anxious, I propose to settle the matter by means of a CAPTION COMPETITION.
Please leave your suggested captions in the comments box attached to this post. You have until Wednesday October 25th to do this.
The winner - as judged by myself and my fragrant civil partner K - will receive a much coveted Troubled Diva coffee mug, bearing the site's distinctive logo in an attractive "wrap-around" design.
(For disappointed runners-up: consolation mugs are - of course! - available for purchase. Yes, it's another thinly disguised marketing campaign.)
Go on, then. Humiliate me at my own expense, why dontcha? My box eagerly awaits your entries.
Vidcasts vs. blog posts ; difficult & boring vs. easy & interesting ; Badly Drawn Boy, The 1990s, The Long Blondes ; Marrakesch and the avoidance of street hassle.
