It is 11:10 on Sunday morning, and my stats counter is currently showing 999,804 page views. This means that Troubled Diva will be passing the one million mark later today.

To mark this intensely ego-gratifying occasion, I'm going to run a quick little competition.

The first person to e-mail me with a screenshot of this page, showing a Total Page View count of 1,000,000, will win - what else? - a Troubled Diva mug, in any one of the three popular designs: Classic, Novelty or Personality.

On your marks... get set... CLICK.

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Update: We have a winner. Congratulations to Lindsay, who grabbed a screenshot of the millionth page view at 13:42.

Labels: competition, ego, merchandise, meta

Yes, it's Bloggies finalists time!

No, of course I wasn't. Don't mind me. I'll just sit here snivelling for a while, with only my nearly one million page views for comfort. No need to, you know, leave me a comment or anything. Why break the habit of a lifetime?

(Look, I've been going five and a half chuffing years. My Gloria Swanson phase is long overdue.)

Anyhow. It's double congratulations to Tokyo Girl Down Under, who achieves the unique distinction of qualifying for the "Best Australian/New Zealand" and the "Best Asian" categories. Now, that's what I call globe-straddling.

Over in the "Best African or Middle Eastern" category, I am pleased to see the delightful My Marrakesh - a blog which I only discovered yesterday, via my, erm, comments box. (Shut. Up.)

In "Best European", it comes as no great surprise to see My Significant Other Is A Silly Sausage popping up for the 50th year running. Oh, the ennui. As Annie Lennox was to the Brits, so Zoe Twat is to the Bloggies. Wouldn't be the same without, etc etc.

Ah, but look at this! What a turn-up! Joining last year's winner Girly One Track in the "Best British/Irish" category, what do we find but that inseparable pair of subversive scallywags: Andre of A Beautiful Revolution ("Woe Is Me, I Am All Alone, Like An Empty Drinks Can Tossed Into The Gutter, Now I Know How Joan Of Arc Felt, That Will Be 73 Comments Please Thank You Oh When Will This Misery End"), and Unreliable Witness of An Unreliable Witness ("Oh How I Loathe And Despise The Very Concept Of So-Called Blogging Awards Continued Page 94 Everybody Please Nominate Me Thank You.") The game's up, boys!

Pausing only to cup our hands to our mouths at the stultifying predictability of the "Best American" section, to wonder how the hell Pitchfork qualifies as a weblog in any meaningful sense of the word, and to sigh with dismay at what the "Best GLBT" category tells us about the state of the Queer Nation in 2007 (I'll leave Joe. My. God. to go into more detail on that one)...

...we skip merrily on to "Best Writing", where we find the awfully well-written Pandemian (I knew her when she was a Green Fairy) jostling for position with the splendid (even though I haven't read it in yonks, mea culpa) Waiter Rant.

And finally, making his second consecutive appearance in "Lifetime Achievement", we have darling Peter from Naked Blog, rubbing shoulders with the likes of Dooce, Fark, Slashdot and Wil Wheaton. Life begins at sixty!

If you feel the need to offer your condolences in the face of the scandalous snub that has been meted out to Troubled Diva (nearly one million page views and counting!), then my box is always open.

(In our business, we call this "drumming up trade".)

Update: Er, wow. I've just had it confirmed (Twitter private messaging, I salute you) that TD did in fact make the long-list for "Lifetime Achievement". That's totally awesome, and as much as I could possibly wish for, and greatly appreciated. Many thanks to everyone who took the trouble to vote.

Labels: blogawards, blogs, cliquey, ego

1. Writing lengthy e-mails defending the manifold virtues of Lionel Richie's All Night Long (All Night), (my second favourite single of all time), with particular reference to West Berlin in late 1983. I am enjoying this more than blogging, becuase I can be as detailed and rambling as I damn well please, without worrying whether my words are "good enough", or of sufficiently general interest, for Troubled Diva.

Here's the bulk of it, slightly re-jigged. Engage at your peril.2. Getting back in the gig-reviewing saddle. I am enjoying this more than blogging because the sheer urgency of the task precludes any dithering, and because the exercise forces me to be economic with language, and because I am forced to abandon the first person... because, hey, it's not all about ME for once.

Since it hasn't gone up on their website, and because I like to park these things for posterity, here's the review which ended up in yesterday's Nottingham Evening Post. (And yes, now I know that "Love Hurts" didn't originate with Gram Parsons, but I didn't know it then.)3. Interviewing THE STARS!!! for the self-same organ; an experience which might well have peaked yesterday with the double whammy of Shayne Ward and Joan Baez. God, but the temptation to swap their questions was almost irresistable.

"So, Shayne Ward: is there room in 2007 for a civil rights movement?"

"So, Joan Baez: can we expect to hear more of a Justin Timberlake influence in your new material?"

As a comparative study between Ancien Régime and Tin Pan Alley Nouveau, you couldn't have hoped for two more starkly contrasting examples. While Shayne Ward - affable if a tad over-defensive, and clearly media-trained to within an inch of his life - parrotted the sort of stock answers which I could have written myself, Joan Baez - bright, articulate, thoughtful, committed, occasionally funny and entirely her own woman - gave a dream of an interview, which left me in a state of dazed euphoria for most of the rest of the evening. I'd say "living goddess" - but you know how we queens can over-pedestalise our divas.

I am enjoying this more than blogging because it's a new challenge, forcing me to acquire new skills and learn on the job - and because, at heart, I'm such an easily impressed little star-f**ker. Hey, know thyself.

(And speaking of self-knowledge: I've never heard myself "in conversation" before, and it's proving painful to listen. Christ, do I always sound like Marvin the Paranoid Android?)

4. Keeping a close paternal eye on Post of the Week. I am enjoying this more than blogging because, once again, it's not all about me me me. And because I find that I have enjoyed the experience of micro-managing a new creative project. And because it's fun to collaborate; something which I don't often get the chance to do, in either my professional or in my blogging lives. And because I'm delighted that the sometimes complex design concepts behind POTW have been represented in such a deceptively simple way. And because I genuinely think this has the potential to contribute something useful and worthwhile.

5. Keeping a close paternal eye on my referral stats, as Troubled Diva rapidly approaches its one millionth page view, probably at some time over the weekend. I am enjoying this more than blogging because, somehow, stats speak to me in a way that words never can (and let's face it: compared with the arid deserts that many of my comments boxes have become, stats are sometimes all I have). One million! What a beautiful number that is!

Labels: ego, eveningpost, gigs, meta, popmusic, postoftheweek

The steady trickle of hits that I have been receiving from a password-protected "panelist" page on the 2007 Bloggies site can only mean two things. Firstly, that the judges are working through the "long-lists" (typically between 20 and 30 sites in each category, if memory serves correctly), and voting on which sites should make it through to the shortlists. Secondly, that Troubled Diva has made it onto one of the long-lists, most probably in the World's Best Poof category.

At the risk of sounding complacent and blasé, this doesn't come as a huge surprise, but for one very simple reason: unlike the majority of "gay" weblogs, the readers of Troubled Diva are mostly straight. Thus, when it comes to making nominations in the World's Best Poof category, they are more likely to think of TD. It's a cute enough little loophole, but not one to which any great measure of ego-stroking self-importance should be attached.

In any case, as anyone inside our cosy little loop would tell you, this year's Bloggies have been overshadowed by two vastly more important blogging award shebangs: the First Annual Insignificant Awards (who announced their winner yesterday), and the Second Annual Swampy Awards, which came out on Monday.

Now, since last year's "Swampy" (for Best British Blog; pictured left) constitutes the only accolade I have won since picking up the school Scripture prize in 1974 (always the chuffing bridesmaid, story of me life), you can imagine my horror at discovering that this year, I have been deposed by some upstart newcomer called Little Red Boat.

Well now. If that Anna Pickard thinks I'm going to graciously hand over my tiara without an unseemly scuffle, she's got another think coming. Frankly, she's going to have to prise it out of my jealous little fingers with a sharp instrument.

I'M STILL BIG!

IT'S JUST BLOGGING THAT GOT BIGGER!

I AM READY FOR MY HYPERLINK, MISTER KOTTKE!

Sorry. Just trying to maintain some Brand Consistency here.

(But sincere thanks to everyone who nominated. I'm no Ungrateful Diva.)

Labels: blogawards, blogs, community, ego, linkage, meta

It is now 8.45 in the evening.

So go on, hazard a guess.

Bearing in mind that I have made no fewer than SEVEN new posts to this blog today.

Any ideas?

Shall I tell you, then?

Shall I tell you how many BASTARD comments I've received since midnight last night, brackets excluding spam brackets?

ONE. That's how many. Bastard ONE bastard comment.

(Thank you, Alan. You're a gent.)

Am I doing something WRONG?

Have you all had a meeting behind my back? Are you all trying to teach me a lesson? Have I been sent to... wait for it... BLOGventry?

Blogland can be a bleak and lonely place at times like this.

And I can pout for England, I'll have you know.

You don't DESERVE me.

Labels: ego, meta