The 40 In 40 Days Project.
 

5. The First Single (1971)

Main Index

The Au Pairs
The Step-stepfather
The Simulated Wank
The Toy Store
The First Single
The Queeny Put-Down
The First Hissy Fit
The First Gay Club
The Rent Boy
The Heterosexual Phase
The Lifestyle Switch
The Empty Floor
The First Poem
The Amsterdam Weekend
The First Time
The Perfect Moment
The Year In Berlin
The Trade Years
The First Memory
The Anniversary Party
The Incompetencies
The Pricking Of The Bubble
The Club Residencies
The "Tales of the City" House
The Musical Epiphany
The Worst Thing I Ever Did To Anyone
The Royal Procession
The Parental Disclosure
The Concept Albums
The Romantic Obsession
The Failure
The Apotheosis of Queer
The Shove From Above
The Interrogation
The Professional Rut
The Rebirthday
The First Boyfriend
The "Catharsis Of Joy"
The Funeral Address
The Falling In Love

Chronological Index

troubled diva

In magazine questionnaires, musicians are often asked to name the first single they ever owned. The question is presumably designed to give us an indication of the artist’s earliest formative influences, and so the answers given are invariably – suspiciously – classics. Anarchy In The UK. My Generation. Starman. Virginia Plain. Dancing Queen. I Heard It Through The Grapevine. Heart Of Glass.

Mine – the record which single-handedly turned me on to rock and roll - was “Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep”, by Middle Of The Road.

Summer 1971 was the time when I first started following the singles charts, and over 30 years later, I still haven’t quite stopped. I’d just been given a transistor radio, and I’d found Radio One. Tony Blackburn at breakfast time, Jimmy Young in the mornings, Noel Edmonds, Dave Lee Travis, “Diddy” David Hamilton but most importantly of all, Alan Freeman’s “Pick Of The Pops” top 20 countdown on Sunday evenings. I visualised the singles chart by imagining all the artists standing in a line on little podiums. The number one act would be standing on the far left, in the foreground, brightly lit. The number two act would be next along on the right, slightly lower, slightly further back, slightly less well lit. And so on, snaking back to 20, to 40, to infinity. Every week, when the chart changed, I imagined all the acts swapping places - the climbers stepping up hopefully into the light, the fallers gradually slinking back into the shadows, the new entries descending onto their podiums in a puff of smoke. In this way, the charts were entirely personalised, bestowing a natural, endless drama upon the weekly statistical ritual.

My big songs of that summer were mostly catchy bubblegum. “Co Co” by The Sweet, “Tom Tom Turnaround” by New World, “Never Ending Song Of Love” by the New Seekers, “Me And You And A Dog Named Boo” by Lobo. Also, slightly more credibly, “Get It On” by T.Rex and “I’m Still Waiting” by Diana Ross. But “Chirpy Chirpy” was the one for me. A nice bouncy tune which you could sing over and over again on car journeys, and their singer Sally Carr looked so cool, carefree and groovy on Top Of The Pops, with her long blonde hair, mini-dress and boots. I thought it must be great to be a pop star – you’d just have fun all day long, and you’d live in a world where everything was shiny, colourful and new.

My father had just bought a cassette recorder, and he taped myself and my sister singing our own version of the tune, with my sister doing the “all together now!” bits towards the end. Later that Summer, he was helping out at a large Inland Waterways Association boat rally, by doing a spot of commentating over the site’s tannoy system. In between events, he took along some cassettes to play. He hadn’t written down what was on each cassette. Yup, you’ve guessed it. A couple of thousand boat enthusiasts from around the country were treated to the sound of Michael (9) and Mary Jane (7), sweetly trilling “Oo-wee, chirpy chirpy cheep cheep, chirpy chirpy cheep cheep chep (all together now!)”.

And the bastard let the tape run! We were mortified.

Middle Of The Road are still performing to this day, mostly in Germany from what I’ve gathered. Do you know what? I’d still quite like to see them.

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