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Fingers in other pies: post of the week · shaggy blog stories · village community blog Monday, April 02, 2007
That Woman's Hour April Fool post: were you had?
Judging by some of the earliest comments I received, a fair number of you were taken in, if only temporarily, by yesterday's seasonally appropriate drollery. I'd apologise, but K and I are still pissing ourselves laughing about it (it was a joint conspiracy, conceived over supper on Friday night).
The clues were there all along, though. "Ria Poloff", a woman about whom Google knows nothing, is an anagram of... well, I don't propose to insult your intelligence (MWA HA HA!) by spelling it out. And check out the final sentence of the post: "If I merely sound foolish, then please don't hesitate to let me know." Mind you, that last one did rather rebound on me. Mike, you've chosen something really complicated here as it involves trying to modify your own voice, putting on an accent, and the most important part which is conveying the humour of the piece. I think that you'd be more successful if you just work with the third aspect because, for me, the first two parts, are getting in the way of the third. What, like I'm NOT FUNNY OR SOMETHING? You wanna STEP OUTSIDE AND SAY THAT?Ahem. Well, anyway. As you will have spotted, I didn't exactly go to great lengths to Femme Up my little recitation. This is mainly because, when I experimented with a full-on falsetto treatment, the results were so painfully jarring that it just wouldn't have been fair to inflict them upon you for the full four and a half minutes. So I went for a sort of Home Counties Lesbian In Sensible Shoes approach instead, concentrating mainly on eradicating all traces of Northern from my speaking voice. (K thought I sounded like the transsexual travel writer Jan Morris. I can live with that.) Having said that, the recording did bear some of the hallmarks of a Rush Job; indeed, I ended up using the first full take. This was because I was using the only room in the cottage with a) a decent acoustic and b) an absence of those f**king de-humidifiers (or Dementors as I now call them, as they SUCK THE JOY out of everything around them). This meant banishing K to the upstairs bedroom for the duration, as I am a complete Prima Donna who Cannot Possibly Be Expected To Rehearse In Front Of An Audience. However, as I am also a Prima Donna With A Guilty Conscience About Banishing My Lover To A Cold And Lonely Place, I ended up spending less time on the recording than perhaps I should have done. (Also, those "Hungarian" comedy accents were sheer bloody murder on the throat. How I suffer for your entertainment.) My thanks to those of you who played along, and especially to Lionel for coming up with Ria Pollof's reply. Extra special thanks to Abby "One Track" Lee, for agreeing to let me desecrate her oeuvre in the first place, and for being such a jolly good sport about it all. However. All of this knockabout japery has given me another Medium Sized Idea. (OK, it gave Lucy a Medium Sized Idea, which converted to a Medium Sized Suggestion, for which I now propose to take all the credit.) Why don't we do a Shaggy Blog Podcast? So. If you're a) featured in The Book and b) are tolerably OK at Reading Things Out Loud, then please e-mail me with a digitised reading of your contribution, and I'll stitch together a podcasty thing. Yes. That could be a nice little Easter Project for us all. Well, it beats drawing faces on boiled eggs... Labels: comicrelief
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Is this the beginning of the end for yucky DRM copy protection on legal downloads?
And is this the beginning of the beginning for decent sound quality on paid-for MP3s?
In both cases, and despite significant reservations regarding using this as an excuse to bump up the purchase price, I hope that the answer is Yes. But for now, as always, I'll be sticking to CDs for the music I care about, as opposed to the music about which I might display a fleeting curiosity.
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Charity screening of An Inconvenient Truth, London, Sunday April 29.
Here at Troubled Diva, we only Do Adverts if they're a) for friends and b) for worthy causes. This is one such rare occasion.
My good friend Sasha is embarking on a humanitarian aid mission to Moldova in May, and she needs to raise £5500 before she leaves. With over £2500 already raised in donations, she has decided to generate additional funds by arranging a one-off Sunday lunchtime screening of Al Gore's Oscar-winning documentary An Inconvenient Truth. As the film isn't currently on general release, this might be an ideal time to catch it, and to sprinkle a little bit of philanthropic love-dust along the way. The screening takes place at the Tricycle Cinema in Kilburn, London, at 12:30pm on Sunday April 29th. Tickets cost £12.50 (including nibbles), and can be booked by calling 020 7328 1000. Full information can be found at www.sashinka.com/tricycle. I'm fully aware that, y'know, linking to things is, like, soooo 2002. (Weblogs that link to things? Whoever heard of such an idea?) But nevertheless, it would be very cool (retro-cool, even) if you could spread the word. Here, have an image for your sidebar.  Here, have some HTML code to go with that. <p><a href="http://sashinka.com/tricycle/"><img src="http://www.sashinka.com/tricycle/inctruth29thbox.jpg" width="250" border="0"></a> Image too big for your sidebar? If so, then take that width="250" down a few sizes. Thank you. We now return you to your regular scheduled programming.
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When Twitter is your only friend: a txt-based essay in desolation and despair.
Messages texted to Twitter between 1900 and 2120 last night:
Back in nottingham for tonight's sugababes show. Walking past beverley knight's performance in the new market square. Damn, that girl can sing... My plus one appears to be a no show. His loss! Having a moment of existential alienation in the half empty cheap seats. How dare they? Sharpening my blackest pencil. Also, cold. Have just discovered that there's another support act to endure after this one. Kill. Me. Now. I could still be in derbyshire, dammit... They've locked the outside smoking area, and aren't allowing pass outs. Bastards! Bang goes my one chance of fleeting pleasure... Existential alienation swiftly converting to a generalised misanthropic loathing. I had more fun running for the train at derby station. Anyway, where are the gays? I see no gays. They're probably half a mile away, down the front, in the good seats. I have seen a gay! He is wearing a sparkly silver cowboy hat and is waving glow sticks. I feel a warm surge of kinship. Oh. The "gay" is actually a glow stick seller, working the pre teen market. I feel a cold twist of betrayal. Woo! It's sugababes time at long bloody last! I shall shut up now. Thank you for "being there" for me during this time of trial. ...and here's my decidedly sour review, which originally appeared in the Nottingham Evening Post. The Sugababes – Nottingham Arena, Sunday April 1. With sixteen Top 20 hits under their belts over the past seven years, including five Number Ones, The Sugababes can lay claim to being Britain’s most successful girl group since the Spice Girls. To mark this, their first arena tour has been billed as a Greatest Hits show, and thus a celebration of their achievements to date. After a long wait, and just as the audience’s patience was wearing thin, the girls finally took to the stage at 9.20, and proceeded to rattle off nineteen numbers in just over an hour and twenty minutes – a bare minimum of performance time for a show of this scale. Backed by a simple four piece band, and surrounded by a barrage of wonderfully stylish computer-generated light patterns, they quickly proved themselves as confident, powerful live singers. That said, there was little of interest in the vocal arrangements, which stuck fairly rigidly to the melodies, leaving little scope for creative flair. Although the three voices meshed together well, the three personalities behind the voices seemed oddly detached throughout. For a girl group to succeed on stage, there needs to be some sense of a team spirit – that this is a gang of best friends, who stick together and support each other. Bananarama and The Spice Girls had it; Girls Aloud have it in spades; but The Sugababes seemed all but strangers to each other, occupying their own separate spaces, and barely acknowledging each others’ presence. As the sole remaining original member, Keisha seemed very much the leader of the group, with the strongest vocal presence. Balancing her aloof attitude, Heidi was all smiles throughout, while “new girl” Amelle stayed mostly in the background, never stealing the limelight, knowing her place. Only during a stripped-down Ugly did anything resembling true passion bubble to the surface. The rest was competent, professional, but disappointingly sterile. Labels: eveningpost, gigs, journal, popmusic
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Shaggy Blog Stories raises over £2000 in 17 days for Comic Relief.
A few minutes ago, my esteemed colleague JP made the 451st purchase of Shaggy Blog Stories, thus nudging the total money raised over the £2000 mark. Considering that the book has only been on sale for 17 days, and considering that it has received only minimal publicity in broadcast and print media, this is a remarkable achievement.
A brief moment of self-congratulation may now be countenanced. (Incidentally, I hope you're all still keeping an eye on that eye-popping Flickr pool. Cleavage! Nudity! Prosthetics! Banjoes!) Labels: comicrelief
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Get thee behind me, SiteMeter.
After five and a half happy years of stats-watching, I have just ditched SiteMeter from this site.
The reason? The SiteMeter Javascript has started serving calls to specificclick.net, which attempts to place site-tracking cookies (a.k.a. spyware) on your machine. Not only is this Bad and Wrong - it's also Dead Slow and A Bit Crap Really. Especially if you're still using Internet Explorer, which has been noticeably slow in loading this site for quite a while now. (As always, Firefox users would appear to be safe from such threats, with no noticeable degradation in response times. Look, I'm just saying...) I'm going to see how I get along with Google Analytics instead. In the meantime, if you have SiteMeter installed: my strong advice is to ditch it, now. Thanks to pete.nu for the heads-up, which confirmed my growing suspicions. Oh, and if you want more proof... here it is, and here again. (In the interests of balance, here's SiteMeter's "privacy statement".) Update (1): Suburban Hen has more juicy insider gossip on this, although she has enough tact not to mention the culprit by name. Looks like StatCounter is another viable alternative, then... Update (2): Eric Odom: Did Sitemeter sell out to Spyware? Update (3): StatCounter Says NO! This is what we call "Maximising a Competitive Advantage". Labels: meta
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Sunday, April 01, 2007
Shaggy Blog Stories on BBC Radio 4?
Update: The following story is 100% untrue. Were YOU April Fooled? Oh, I do hope so...
Well, this is all very exciting. On Friday afternoon, I received the following e-mail from the BBC: Dear Troubled Diva, As I say, all very exciting - but perhaps you might have spotted a slight flaw in Ria's proposal.My name is Ria Pollof, and I work for the "Woman's Hour" programme on Radio Four. I have recently heard about your "Shaggy Blog Stories" book, and would very much like to feature it on our show. As I expect you will already know, several leading media analysts have already dubbed 2007 as "The Year of the Blog", and we here at "Woman's Hour" are most keen to reflect this growing phenomenon. I have been told that you already have radio experience, and so I would like you to consider the following proposal. Would you be prepared to record a series of spoken extracts from the book, that we could serialise as part of our "Book of the Week" feature? Obviously, we would prefer it if you could restrict your choices to work from other women bloggers such as yourself. Sadly, we would be unable to pay you for your contribution. However, this could be great publicity for the book! Please call me on [contact details removed] to discuss this idea further. Kind regards, Ria Pollof Woman's Hour She thinks I'm a woman. Deal breaker? Originally, I thought so. Now, I'm not so sure. After all, this would indeed be "great publicity for the book". All I have to do is convince Ria and her team that I Am A Lady. This is where you come in. Seeing as it's a Sunday, and that no-one from "Woman's Hour" will be at work today, we've got just enough time to run a little experiment. As I'll almost certainly be removing this post before Monday morning, you'd better be quick. Take a listen to this reading from The Book, which I recorded in the cottage yesterday afternoon. Does it sound sufficiently female? Could I "pass"? Please let me know in the comments. And if I merely sound foolish, then please don't hesitate to let me know. Labels: comicrelief, mediawhoredom
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25 favourite posts 2007: the year in blog 2007: the year in mike 25 things to do: before i die 25 things to do: before you die accommodating: the f-word all time: fave singles ambushed: by unexpected emotion apotheosis of blog: 1a / 1b / 1c / 2 / 3 arbeit: macht frei archbishop: sex shop scandal are you: a proper blogger? astrology: hmm (1) (2) autographs: the collection bands which: left me cold battle: of the band aids big nights out: what changed? blending: with the english blogging tips: for newcomers best music: 07 / 06 / 05 / 04 / 03 / 02 / 01 / 00 blogmeets: popular myths dispelled bobbly fruit & pillows: for whom? bob dylan: suggested coping strategies book review: 2005 blogged boutique hotels: never again boutique shag: squint squint squint bridget riley: & wolfgang tillmanns bt vision: diary of horror carnet: parisien celebrity angst: what to do? chino latino: get shum bongo clapped out has been: yes or no? conkers: bonkers! conversation: with an 11 year old cottaging: fond memories crisp sharp edges: k's guest blog cross butts: the aga was a godsend cumberland hotel: i want my apples! daddy: what's sex? dancing the hard house: on beer do ya: think i'm sexy? dreams: of returning duckie: hula hoops & hoo-hahs easter holiday: in numbers emotional tailspin: inner retreat fashion: sexy no-no's famous people: i could be fave albums: of the 1970s flush: of shame future dream: shopping scheme gay partnership rights: blah gay up: me duck general election 2005: 1 / 2 god-man: in the airport grandad's on: the guest list happy happy happy: splurge hi i'm ken: gayest moment ever hiking: to the gate how much: do you WHAT? if wishes: were horses... ...beggars: would ride i have bought: a pedometer!!! if wishes: were horses... inland empire: oh, the agony iPods: feel the love iPods: feel the pain it's time: the tale was told john peel: and the "noble savage" jongleurs: nottingham latvian baywatch interlude: beaver patrol! lit crit: bitch sesh longnor nights: ronnie corbett ramble magisterial: coruscations membrillo: cottage style me, dear 1: local media calleth me, dear 2: good morning nottingham memories: of the cerne giant michael's big day: with "the creatives" motoring: with mike and k my desk: exhaustively annotated my mummy: the movie star my mummy: the vogue model my week: barcelona business wonkery naked diva: port in a storm (parody) new dawn fades: failed space-age nicholas hellen: the new serenata flowers one night in: amsterdam on this day: 1966/76/86/96 orange mivvis: wrong message? petite anglaise: book review philip pullman: the vignette phuket nights: before the flood political mike: what happened? poofs & lezzers: in pop popbitch: worst records racist ducks: by request recitatively yours: in beeston regarding: regards reiki: balancing me chakras, like remove power: and we have nothing resolution watch: happy endings rvt: a diva perspective sambuca drinking game: just DON'T should gay men: give blood? sky mirror: a sudden profusion social smoking: who said oxymoron? soft furnishings: a social history songs: containing lists spiked: a cautionary tale statement: of jadedness successes: and unknowns sunshine, balance: and lurrve swanky do: playing the game tacky stab: celeb status ta-dah: rough tasting notes tales from: amsterdam: 1 / 2 / 3 tatchell/humphries: today howler thatchenfreude: stuff of nightmares the secret: gay signal the thespian life: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 the world won't end: 9/12 the year in blog: 2003 too many people: multiple mikes through bad times: and good trams: so this is hucknall? trashy pop: a justification trentbeat: the nottingham sound tufts: and chuffs unlikely: new interest up for grabs: in both senses vinyl countdown: re-learning the rituals what i did: on saturday when good cliques: go bad whither: the political blog? whore to culture: why opera bores me why i like: queenie working in paris: 5 stages you lattay: i lartay return to sidebar menu we freelanced... ADULT., battant alison moyet amp fiddler amy winehouse, mr. hudson & the library ...and you will know us by the trail of dead andy williams the automatic, mumm-ra barry adamson the beat, neville staple beyoncé black kids, team waterpolo black mountain bonnie "prince" billy boy george breeders british sea power, make model bucks fizz, brotherhood of man buena vista social club bugz in the attic cardiacs cocorosie david essex delays diana ross donny osmond duffy duke special dv8 physical theatre erasure euros childs evan dando fallout trust, computerman the feeling feist fionn regan foals from the jam (may 2007) from the jam (dec 2007) the futureheads gary numan: replicas tour get cape. wear cape. fly. girls aloud glasvegas the gossip greg dulli & the twilight singers guillemots, joan as police woman hard-fi, the rumble strips here and now tour 2008 hidden cameras hope of the states i'm from barcelona imogen heap joe lean & the jing jang jong john barrowman journey south juana molina ken dodd laura veirs liza minnelli lorna luft los campesinos! low manu chao maria mckee the musical box: selling england... nouvelle vague, gabriella cilmi nuru kane & bayefall gnawa the orb the osmonds palladium pam ann piney gir pink prince public enemy puppini sisters rachel unthank & the winterset the rascals richmond fontaine rihanna rodrigo y gabriela (2006) rodrigo y gabriela (2007) ryan adams & the cardinals scissor sisters secret machines seth lakeman the sugababes system 7 twilight sad the verve, reverend & the makers victorian english gentlemens club, das wanderlust westlife the x factor live yazoo young knives, ungdomskulen slate magazine: america, meet the eurovision song contest ali farka touré: savane athlete: beyond the neighbourhood brett anderson: brett anderson british sea power: do you like rock music? bucks fizz: the very best of datsuns: smoke & mirrors defected presents: charles webster duke special: songs from the deep forest erasure: light at the end of the world george michael: twenty five golden afrique vol.3 hard-fi: once upon a time in the west hidden cameras: awoo kevin ayers: the unfairground lady sovereign: public warning lcd soundsystem: sound of silver marc almond: stardom road mountain goats: get lonely mr. hudson & the library: a tale of two cities queer noises 1961-1978: from the closet to the charts rufus wainwright: does judy at carnegie hall rufus wainwright: does judy! judy! judy! 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(chk chk chk) air basement jaxx, audio bullys bay city rollers the bellrays, the d4 beth orton, ed harcourt bob dylan brian wilson broadcast bryan ferry butterflies of love, tompaulin calexico chicks on speed daevid allen damo suzuki's network datsuns, polyphonic spree, interpol, thrills david bowie doves, the coral duran duran, goldfrapp flaming lips franz ferdinand, von bondies, the rapture, funeral for a friend franz ferdinand, fiery furnaces hidden cameras (2004) jon spencer blues explosion kevin ayers kylie minogue lemon jelly madonna (2001) madonna (2006) the magic band, wreckless eric manitoba, four tet mariza mark gardener mudhoney the music neil diamond oasis omara portuondo patti smith pet shop boys prince: o2 arena & aftershow richard ashcroft robert newman, mark thomas rolling stones scissor sisters, atomizer, readers wifes, synthetic pleasures scissor sisters (the social) scissor sisters, syntax, david wrench scissor sisters, phoenix smokey robinson sons & daughters, vincent vincent & the villains, ralfe band sophie ellis bextor the streets, blackalicious summer sundae festival (2007) the thrills tindersticks ulrich schnauss white stripes yes (magnification) yes (full circle) yeah yeah yeahs return to sidebar menu we eurovisioned...
· tallinn 2002: mike's estonian eurovision fiesta · riga 2003: the seven stages of eurovision · 2004: previews · 2005: previews · 2005: too many effing drums · athens 2006: backstage reports from rehearsals week · athens 2006: america, meet the eurovision song contest · 2007: previews return to sidebar menu we read...
i love music my fave blogs with RSS feeds technorati: who links here? return to sidebar menu we performed...
trodicast #3 trodicast #2 trodicast #1 notts dialect: a gay guide boutique shag: squint squint squint alphabetical: short story (context) 25 lines: lyrics quiz return to sidebar menu we snapped...
1990-92: the social linchpin years anglesey abbey: winter garden banyan tree: phuket barbara hepworth: sculptures civil partnership: 2006 cottage garden (pdmg#1): 2003 cottage garden (pdmg#1): 2005 blurb cottage garden (pdmg#1): 2005 pics cottage garden (pdmg#1): 2007 manifold valley: easter stroll mike's 40th party: 2002 nottingham guest team: george's 2004 stiles: of the white peak thrill: to my tulips trevor hall: jimmy's 70th birthday bash vietnam pics: 2002 virtual tour: cottage virtual tour: nottingham virtual tour: blurb xmas greetings: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 return to sidebar menu we guested...
big blogger 2005: festival of blog "last to be picked" champions league fancy dress (and ill-advised drag) my greatest pride... ... and my greatest shame a tale for the little ones * irrational fears & how to overcome them the seven ages of mike seven deadly sins of blogging where are they now? * seven stonkers & seven honkers seven reasons why i don't want a dog (* warning: contains in-jokes) feeling listless: review 2005: if it moves, rank it guild of ghostwriters (hand-drawn): When I Was A Little Boy... The Professionals Introvert (all three in one place) leftlion magazine: gay up me duck my boyfriend is a twat: troubled twat, or my boyfriend is a diva popping out for meat neil's wild years: 1993: doya do do do doya 1994: away with the fairies 1995: things they'll never see sashinka: introduction finger food hosting company from hell enforced jollity capsule review: blondie fun facts about toilet paper dry your eyes, mate ah, barcelona swisstoni's place: earworms of the week the art of noise: in the dock: the eurovision song contest 5x5 the naked novel (a collaborative work of modern fiction): chapter 3 tranniefesto ("collaborative dialogue"): conversations of an email variety uborka: channel 4 script editors eat your neighbour recipes of yesteryear YAHNET acronyms online enagement party: (1) (2) a song from under the floorboards chapter 8: pandora's inbox (start here) wherever you are ("consequences"): sorry, did that spoil it for everybody? return to sidebar menu we hosted...
· Anna, D, Faustus, Mr.D, Noodle · Lyle, Mr.D, qB, Robin · Aunt Cyn, John, Mac, Quarsan · Buni, Fiona, Mark, Melodrama, Zena · Asta, Danny, Gordon, Martin, Venus · best of guest month · Alan, Ben, Buni, Mish, Nixon (1) (2) (3) · blogging consequences: 26 guest posts we played...
stylistic tic eradication week: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 the shirt off my back project: start · finish the let's get more comments than wil wheaton project: the diary · the comments diva rhyming slang: problem · solution partners & weblogs: poll · result who's the w@nker: 1 · 2 · results songs you have to hear: a reader-compiled mix cd the "can't be arsed to find my own links" competition start · shortlist · result the I Love Music 1000 UK Number Ones Poll: final results introducing a new acronym: CBATG: can't be arsed to Google meme aid: the bloggers' disco · mix tracklists write like a diva: intro 1 · intro 2 · april 1st hissy fit · contestant 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · votes · results readership survey: questions · results #1 · #2 · #3 · #4 · #5 · #6 · #7 · "most typical reader" contest · results civil partnership caption competition: photo · entries trodicast caption competition: photo · entries · results the my boyfriend is a twat virtual book tour: mr & mrs: zoe versus quarsan return to sidebar menu 1 The Au Pairs (66-68) 2 The Step-stepfather (94-96) 3 The Simulated Wank (85) 4 The Toy Store (80) 5 The First Single (71) 6 The Queeny Put-Down (99) 7 The First Hissy Fit (64) 8 The First Gay Club (82) 9 The Rent Boy (88) 10 The Heterosexual Phase (74) 11 The Lifestyle Switch (00) 12 The Empty Floor (87) 13 The First Poem (67) 14 The Amsterdam Weekend (91) 15 The First Time (79) 16 The Perfect Moment (94) 17 The Year In Berlin (83-84) 18 The Trade Years (94-98) 19 The First Memory (64) 20 The Anniversary Party (95) 21 The Incompetencies (62-02) 22 The Pricking Of The Bubble (73) 23 The Club Residencies (87-89) 24 The "Tales of the City" House (93) 25 The Musical Epiphany (76) 26 The Worst Thing I Ever Did To Anyone (86) 27 The Royal Procession (72) 28 The Parental Disclosure (89-90) 29 The Concept Albums (75-78) 30 The Romantic Obsession (75-78) 31 The Failure (81) 32 The Apotheosis of Queer (97) 33 The Shove From Above (93) 34 The Interrogation (78) 35 The Professional Rut (89-96) 36 The Rebirthday (79) 37 The First Boyfriend (83) 38 The "Catharsis Of Joy" (94) 39 The Funeral Address (99) 40 The Falling In Love (85) + The Summary, In Verse (by Anna) return to sidebar menu powered by Blogger
It's all © Mike, thank you very much. I don't mind if you nick the odd paragraph; credit me and link back, and we can still be friends. But no funny business, OK? I know lots of people, and we'll all laugh and point at you, and then you'll feel, ooh, that high. Snarl. Please note that all spam comments will be deleted, even the ones that pretend to be nice.
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