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Fingers in other pies: post of the week · shaggy blog stories · village community blog Thursday, March 24, 2005
Write Like A Diva: a competition for the Easter break.
Last August, Faustus M.D. hosted a marvellous "Blogalike" competition on The Search For Love In Manhattan (*), the rules of which I am about to rip off wholesale. (You may call it theft; I prefer the term "memetic".)
Two months ago, Joe.My.God compiled an equally marvellous series of reminiscences from his readers, entitled "Gay Gayer Gayest". Yup, I'm ripping him off too. But hopefully to amusing and diverting ends. Which is all the justification one needs, obviously. The rules of the game are as follows. I'd like you to compose a blog posting in the style of Troubled Diva, on the subject "Gay Gayer Gayest". In other words, I'd like you to forge a personal reminiscence, in which I tell you the story of my Gayest! Ever! moment. While you are doing this, I'll be writing my own true reminiscence. (Note that this won't be the same story as the one I lazily recycled for Joe's blog. In retrospect, it was a poor choice. That's another reason for running the competition: to tell a better story.) Next Friday, I shall post all of your forged stories along with my own real one, but without revealing who has written what. I shall then ask people to vote for the entry which they think is the real one, i.e. mine. The person whose story receives the highest number of votes will win a beautiful, hand-tooled set of "Bloggers' Disco" mix CDs, all properly track-banded and not compressed down to crappy old 128. However, if my story receives the highest number of votes, then I get to give myself a prize. (A nice shirt, probably. It's been a while.) Please e-mail your entries to mikejla at btinternet dot com. The closing date for entries is a week today: Thursday March 31st. You should also bear in mind that I'll be posting your entries exactly as I receive them; I won't proof-read or spell-check. To this end, I suggest that you DON'T write your entries in Microsoft Word, as its annoying fancy punctuation marks will be a dead giveaway. (I almost never write entries in Word, you see.) To make things a little easier for non-bloggers who don't speaka da Haitch Tee Hem Hell, I'll add one more small rule: please DO NOT use any HTML formatting in your entries. No bolds, no italics, no links, no nuffink. Just good old-fashioned text. Have fun! And have a great Easter! (*) Faustus would like me to point out that the idea for his "Blogalike" competition was originated at Upside-down Hippopotamus (an excellent and well-written blog, which I should read more often).
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The Troubled Diva Parallel Universe Top 40.
One of the perks of doing your own "parallel universe" chart: rather than waiting for record companies to choose singles off your favourite albums, you can simply crack on and choose them for yourself. This explains both the double A-side from M.I.A., and this week's second highest new entry from Antony & The Johnsons.
Meanwhile, Rachel Stevens has this week's highest climber, shooting all the way from Number 33 to Number 1. With Kylie Minogue as the highest of ten new entries, we bid farewell to singles from G4, Tom Vek, The Bravery, Handsome Boy Modelling School, Dizzee Rascal, The Mars Volta, Portobella, British Sea Power, The Subways and LCD Soundsystem. Oh, shut up. I'm having fun. 1 (33) Negotiate With Love - Rachel Stevens
2 (10) No Sleep Tonight - The Faders 3 (1) Oh My Gosh - Basement Jaxx 4 (11) Brown Eyes - Kano 5 (2) Stay With You - Lemon Jelly 6 (-) Giving You Up - Kylie Minogue 7 (13) 10 Dollar/Pull Up The People - M.I.A. 8 (12) Too Cold - Roots Manuva 9 (3) (Is This The Way To) Amarillo - Tony Christie 10 (4) Random - Lady Sovereign 11 (18) The One You Love - Rufus Wainwright 12 (-) Fistful Of Love - Antony & The Johnsons 13 (8) They - Jem 14 (-) Neighborhood #2 (Laika) - The Arcade Fire 15 (16) Get Right - Jennifer Lopez (featuring Fabolous) 16 (-) Go Gone - Estelle 17 (7) Hounds Of Love - The Futureheads 18 (14) Bring It Back Again - The Earlies 19 (-) Across Yer Ocean - Mercury Rev 20 (6) Bring 'Em Out - T.I. 21 (-) Just A Moment - Nas featuring Quan 22 (9) Krafty - New Order 23 (21) Yeti - Caribou 24 (22) Used To Love U - John Legend 25 (19) Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani (featuring Eve) 26 (-) I See Girls - Studio B featuring Romeo 27 (5) My Heartbeat - Annie 28 (25) Little Sister - Queens Of The Stone Age 29 (36) Living The Dream - Million Dead 30 (-) Banquet - Bloc Party 31 (15) Don't Play Nice - Verbalicious 32 (-) It's Like That - Mariah Carey ft Fatman Scoop & Jermaine Dupri 33 (28) Whoopsie Daisy - Terri Walker 34 (37) Don't Say You Love Me - Erasure 35 (30) No One Takes Your Freedom - DJ Earworm 36 (-) Get Ready For Love - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds 37 (34) Let Me Love You - Mario 38 (29) Wake Me Up - Girls Aloud 39 (23) Goodies (Richard X remix featuring M.I.A.) - Ciara 40 (35) Just Let Go - Fischerspooner
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Bloggers' Disco - Megamix #2.
Having got all the bloggers on the dancefloor with the clarion call that is Megamix #1 (still available at the time of writing), we can now afford to widen our scope, throw a few curveballs, take a few risks. But not too many risks; we don't want any disgruntled punters marching up to the DJ booth and asking when we're going to play some "proper music".
So variety is the order of day here. Something for the kids, something for the mums and dads, something for the cool gay uncles dancing "ironically" - and why, I think even Grandma in the corner might be spotted tapping the odd toe or two! Here are two Yousendit links, both to the same file (so don't go downloading it twice). If one doesn't work, then try the other one. If neither works, then I suggest schmoozing hard with other members of the Troubled Diva "community". The third megamix will be along some time towards the end of next week. (In the meantime, please feel free to compliment me on my mixing skills; I got a little more fancy with this one.) Update: As a result of some ruthless pruning of redundant old MP3s, I've managed to find some server space of my own for this mix. Update 2: All links now removed. If you still need the file, then I suggest trying to work something out in the comments box with people who already have it. In this respect, Yousendit may be your friend.
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005
That BBC Radio Nottingham interview, then.
A thousand thanks to my man on the inside at the Beeb, the saint-like Phill of Danger! High Postage, for sourcing and publishing a sound file of my interview on BBC Radio Nottingham.
To access the sound file, follow this link to the BBC Nottingham site, then click on Interview: Troubled Diva on the top right hand corner of the page. You'll also need to have RealPlayer installed. As this isn't permitted on the PC which I'm currently using, I'm going to have to wait until this evening before listening to the interview for myself. The tension!
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Bloggers' Disco - Megamix #1.
As you might have guessed, the recently compiled Bloggers' Disco playlist has sent me (and Adrian, and Gordon) scurrying off all over the place in search of the MP3s. Having pooled our respective resources,
I have started compiling a series of CD-length non-stop megamixes of the tracks, a) It's one long 79 minute MP3. I am tempted to use the frightfully au courant expression "podcast", but I think you have to do something a little bit more technically fancy before you can legitimately make such a claim. b) The MP3 is encoded at 128, to save space. c) The file size is a little over 70 megabytes. d) There's no track listing. This is deliberate, as I am firmly of the belief that an element of surprise is crucial to all good discos. However, I have provided a list of the artists in the Comments section of the ID3 tag. Promise me you won't go peeking in advance. e) I have used Yousendit to host the file, which only allows a limited number of downloads in a limited space of time - so be quick! If you find that the link has expired, then please let me know in the comments. (*) Update: Huge thanks to Pete "Bandwidth" Ashton for the hosting. Remember: right-click to download. Update 2: All links now removed. That's your lot with this one, I'm afraid.
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The Troubled Diva Keep Fit Club: progress charts.
The first chart shows the actual number of steps covered each day, by myself, K, Peter, Asta and Rhys.
The second chart plots the average number of steps per day. This will eventually become a rolling seven-day average for each participant. (As you can see, both K and I have just dropped below the recommended average of 10,000 steps per day. A temporary blip, no doubt.) If you want to join the club, then please leave your daily pedometer reading(s) in the comments. Update (1): With all of yesterday's totals now collated, I discover to my horror that none of us has a running average of above the recommended 10,000. This simply will not do. Come on, team! Look lively! Update (2): Well, at least one of us is trying. (Tough love! You'll thank me for it eventually!) Update (3): Hmm. This is actually quite hard to maintain on a daily basis, isn't it...  
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Monday, March 21, 2005
The Troubled Diva Keep Fit Club.
So, yeah: let's all keep fit by, er, counting things! And "thinking thin" while we're counting them! And viewing the results on a nice little graph! And getting all competitive about it while we're doing so! Because that will work!
If you would like to join the Troubled Diva Keep Fit Club, then please leave your daily pedometer readings in the comments box below, and I'll do the necessaries in Excel. Here's how K and I have been doing so far. Thursday March 17. Mike - 9370 steps. Total boosted by an Early Doors drink which seamlessly morphed into a Late Late Doors, involving several lengthy treks from one end of the city centre to the other. (The Central to home: c. 2000 steps.) K - no figure available. A night out at the opera with the Posh Crowd saw K removing his pedometer for aesthetic reasons. Well, would you match claret-and-grey with a maple-coloured corduroy suit? (You would? You don't happen to work for Guardian Weekend, do you?) Friday March 18. Mike - 7946 steps. K - 7897 steps. Neck and neck all the way, with the lead regularly switching throughout the day. Mike's narrow win was assisted by taking the scenic route to work, via the Park Steps (a keep fit programme in their own right), and by climbing the full 11 storeys to the office (200 steps a pop). Saturday March 19. Mike - 10277 steps. K - 13415 steps. Mike got off to a flying start by "helpfully" offering to walk down to the village shop on K's behalf. (K usually does Saturdays, and Mike usually does Sundays.) Happily, K did not spot this patent ruse until it was too late. Bingo! 1200 extra steps! K then regained the competitive advantage by visiting Sainsburys in Ashbourne unassisted, while Mike wrote his singles reviews for Stylus, and by preparing an elaborate three-course dinner for four while Mike After the dinner guests had departed and K had retired to bed, a sneaky late night "I'll show him" impromptu disco-cum-speed-walk to the Bloggers' Disco playlist yielded Mike less than 2000 extra steps, before exhaustion set in. Sunday March 20. Mike - 12734 steps. K - 11201 steps. On an otherwise sedentary day, both totals were significantly bumped up by a late afternoon walk along the High Peak Trail. In almost exactly one hour, Mike clocked up around 7500 steps. Unfortunately for K, a slight pedometer slippage en route meant that valuable steps remained uncounted. Daily averages so far. Mike - 10082 steps. K - 10838 steps. I'd say that was too close to call, wouldn't you? Reminder: to join the club, please leave your figures in the box below. I'll make a graph available later in the week.
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Shorts with tights: now they're "retro-chic".
From the Guardian Weekend magazine (once memorably described by Peter as "an Argos catalogue for the middle classes"), Saturday March 19 2005:
 Bearing in mind that the "shorts with tights" look was dismissed on the same page in last week's magazine as "a truly bad idea", I can only conclude that this must be the fastest revival in fashion history. Keep up at the back! While we're on the subject of Guardian Weekend, I am thinking of introducing a new weekly count: the number of lines of Judy Rumbold's column that I manage to get through before screaming AARGH NO I CANNOT READ ANOTHER WORD OF THIS UTTER UTTER UTTER TRIPE WHY DO THEY GIVE HER THE SPACE IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM. This week, I got a bit further than usual, making it almost to the end of the third paragraph before being scuppered by "Spring, with its emphasis on fresh starts and renewal, demands the sort of get-up-and-go that has been comprehensively sapped by a winter spent gorging on chocolate in front of reality TV." NO YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING OF THE SORT STOP MAKING IT UP MISSUS "OOH I USED TO LIVE IN THE CITY BUT NOW I LIVE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE AND NOW I'VE TRADED IN MY MANOLO BLAHNIKS FOR MOTH-EATEN OLD CARDIGANS I KNOW I KNOW ISN'T IT FASCINATING OOH MY CRAZY MIXED UP TOPSY-TURVY LIFE OOH WE'RE SUCH A MAD BROOD HERE CHEZ RUMBOLD" LIKE HOW DOES ANYONE MANAGE TO GET AWAY WITH BEING SO SELF-DEPRECATING AND SELF-AGGRANDISING IN THE SAME BREATH I MEAN THAT'S MY TERRITORY GIMME THAT GIMME THAT GIMME GIMME GIMME THAT I COULD DO THAT JUST TRY ME AND I WOULDN'T MAKE UP LAZY CLICHED RUBBISH ABOUT CHOCOLATES AND REALITY TV EITHER AND OH GOD I CAN SEE A JOKEY REFERENCE TO LINDA SODDING BARKER LOOMING AHEAD IN THE NEXT BLOODY PARAGRAPH WHY WHY WHY DO THEY THIS I NEED AIR... Indeed, my "Rumbold Moment" over the cottage breakfast table has become part of the very warp and weft of our weekend. Keeps me regular, she does.
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Stylus UK Singles Jukebox: Half-Volvo, Half-Minibus.
In this week's Stylus UK Singles Jukebox, you'll find my thoughts on new releases by 50 Cent, Natalie Imbruglia, Tom Vek, Mario, British Sea Power, Million Dead, Dizzee Rascal, The Faders and Roots Manuva. It's all going quite well, isn't it?
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1990-92: the social linchpin years anglesey abbey: winter garden banyan tree: phuket barbara hepworth: sculptures civil partnership: 2006 cottage garden (pdmg#1): 2003 cottage garden (pdmg#1): 2005 blurb cottage garden (pdmg#1): 2005 pics cottage garden (pdmg#1): 2007 manifold valley: easter stroll mike's 40th party: 2002 nottingham guest team: george's 2004 stiles: of the white peak thrill: to my tulips trevor hall: jimmy's 70th birthday bash vietnam pics: 2002 virtual tour: cottage virtual tour: nottingham virtual tour: blurb xmas greetings: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 return to sidebar menu we guested...
big blogger 2005: festival of blog "last to be picked" champions league fancy dress (and ill-advised drag) my greatest pride... ... and my greatest shame a tale for the little ones * irrational fears & how to overcome them the seven ages of mike seven deadly sins of blogging where are they now? * seven stonkers & seven honkers seven reasons why i don't want a dog (* warning: contains in-jokes) feeling listless: review 2005: if it moves, rank it guild of ghostwriters (hand-drawn): When I Was A Little Boy... The Professionals Introvert (all three in one place) leftlion magazine: gay up me duck my boyfriend is a twat: troubled twat, or my boyfriend is a diva popping out for meat neil's wild years: 1993: doya do do do doya 1994: away with the fairies 1995: things they'll never see sashinka: introduction finger food hosting company from hell enforced jollity capsule review: blondie fun facts about toilet paper dry your eyes, mate ah, barcelona swisstoni's place: earworms of the week the art of noise: in the dock: the eurovision song contest 5x5 the naked novel (a collaborative work of modern fiction): chapter 3 tranniefesto ("collaborative dialogue"): conversations of an email variety uborka: channel 4 script editors eat your neighbour recipes of yesteryear YAHNET acronyms online enagement party: (1) (2) a song from under the floorboards chapter 8: pandora's inbox (start here) wherever you are ("consequences"): sorry, did that spoil it for everybody? return to sidebar menu we hosted...
· Anna, D, Faustus, Mr.D, Noodle · Lyle, Mr.D, qB, Robin · Aunt Cyn, John, Mac, Quarsan · Buni, Fiona, Mark, Melodrama, Zena · Asta, Danny, Gordon, Martin, Venus · best of guest month · Alan, Ben, Buni, Mish, Nixon (1) (2) (3) · blogging consequences: 26 guest posts we played...
stylistic tic eradication week: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 the shirt off my back project: start · finish the let's get more comments than wil wheaton project: the diary · the comments diva rhyming slang: problem · solution partners & weblogs: poll · result who's the w@nker: 1 · 2 · results songs you have to hear: a reader-compiled mix cd the "can't be arsed to find my own links" competition start · shortlist · result the I Love Music 1000 UK Number Ones Poll: final results introducing a new acronym: CBATG: can't be arsed to Google meme aid: the bloggers' disco · mix tracklists write like a diva: intro 1 · intro 2 · april 1st hissy fit · contestant 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · votes · results readership survey: questions · results #1 · #2 · #3 · #4 · #5 · #6 · #7 · "most typical reader" contest · results civil partnership caption competition: photo · entries trodicast caption competition: photo · entries · results the my boyfriend is a twat virtual book tour: mr & mrs: zoe versus quarsan return to sidebar menu 1 The Au Pairs (66-68) 2 The Step-stepfather (94-96) 3 The Simulated Wank (85) 4 The Toy Store (80) 5 The First Single (71) 6 The Queeny Put-Down (99) 7 The First Hissy Fit (64) 8 The First Gay Club (82) 9 The Rent Boy (88) 10 The Heterosexual Phase (74) 11 The Lifestyle Switch (00) 12 The Empty Floor (87) 13 The First Poem (67) 14 The Amsterdam Weekend (91) 15 The First Time (79) 16 The Perfect Moment (94) 17 The Year In Berlin (83-84) 18 The Trade Years (94-98) 19 The First Memory (64) 20 The Anniversary Party (95) 21 The Incompetencies (62-02) 22 The Pricking Of The Bubble (73) 23 The Club Residencies (87-89) 24 The "Tales of the City" House (93) 25 The Musical Epiphany (76) 26 The Worst Thing I Ever Did To Anyone (86) 27 The Royal Procession (72) 28 The Parental Disclosure (89-90) 29 The Concept Albums (75-78) 30 The Romantic Obsession (75-78) 31 The Failure (81) 32 The Apotheosis of Queer (97) 33 The Shove From Above (93) 34 The Interrogation (78) 35 The Professional Rut (89-96) 36 The Rebirthday (79) 37 The First Boyfriend (83) 38 The "Catharsis Of Joy" (94) 39 The Funeral Address (99) 40 The Falling In Love (85) + The Summary, In Verse (by Anna) return to sidebar menu powered by Blogger
It's all © Mike, thank you very much. I don't mind if you nick the odd paragraph; credit me and link back, and we can still be friends. But no funny business, OK? I know lots of people, and we'll all laugh and point at you, and then you'll feel, ooh, that high. Snarl. Please note that all spam comments will be deleted, even the ones that pretend to be nice.
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